Hacker News Reader

Comment by mmirate | Hacker News Reader

Putting aside for discussion's sake the question of the very existence of any merits at all of compassion... why particularly should I ever be self-compassionate?

A person cannot control other people's actions the way they can control their own; and that's one of the few reasons I can't berate other people for their mistakes to the extent that I can berate myself for my own. Indeed, for that same reason, when I make mistakes, my response to myself is little more than the vilest of fury: the ability to act correctly (including the ability to learn it) was within my own nervous system, yet I clearly neglected to use it.

(For example: previously this comment contained several typographical errors. Rereading the comment repeatedly, revealed each typo ... but there's no excuse for any of them to have even escaped the keyboard.)

View on HN

I don't agree with this. You don't have as much control over yourself as you think you do. Your genes and your environment play a huge role on how you act and behave. Of course I am not saying that you shouldn't take responsibility for your actions--you should. You should see where you went wrong and try your best so that it doesn't happen again. If you observe your emotions closely, you might find that berating yourself is often a way to 'feel good' (oh look how self aware I am, how virtuous I am for recognizing my mistakes) without actually accomplishing anything. And research backs this up. People who berate themselves over mistakes are less likely to implement behavioural changes.

It is inevitable that you'll make mistakes. You'll make mistakes everyday. So it is best to accept this and get over yourself--to focus on improving yourself. I like to think of it as treating yourself as you would your best friend. If your best friend makes a mistake you wouldn't berate him, nor would you encourage him to keep making the same mistakes. You would instead, with compassion and respect try to help him out.

Disclaimer: this post might sound kind of righteous and condescending. But that's not my intention. This is based on my experience with my own self. YMMV

> best friend

Far from it! After the kinds of procrastination that I've done previously in undergraduate, I think of myself as my worst enemy.

(Or at best, sometimes, as a worst-enemy who has been defeated and is paying reparations a la Versailles.)

You'll probably live a longer, happier life, and do more good for others in the world, if you have compassion for yourself.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com