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Comment by qubex | Hacker News Reader

Why? Repudiation of this abhorrent ”hookup culture” that seems to be sweeping through our western societies is to be applauded. I’m not arguing for abstention, but reserving sex for monogamous, committed relationships is, as far as I am concerned, an unmitigated good.

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The idea that there is a hookup culture sweeping through our western societies is directly contradicted by the numbers presented in the very article we are discussing here.

And anyway, I reject this prudish Judeo-Christian inspired sexual ethics. Sex is good and good for you. There should be more of.

You’re most welcome to reject this ”Judeo-Christian prudishness” (or whatever you want to call it) but just keep in mind I’m an atheist, and all for rejecting dogma — including the new doctrines of consumerism that is snaking it’s way into our private sphere, making us all willing to use each other (apparently) for our short-term jollies.

There is nothing new about us humans having short-term jollies, or even medium- / long-term jollies that are non-monogamous.

Short- / medium- / long-term non-monogamous jollies goes as far back as time immemorial. As far back as the beginnings of life itself. I'm willing to bet monogamy is the new normal as far as historical longevity is concerned. I'm no anthropologist, so I'm willing to be corrected on that matter.

Also, I'd argue consumerism isn't exactly new either. People have been blowing their pay packets at their local pub since the invention of the local pub.

People also have been rejecting that since time immemorial, so the strength of your argument just barely suffices to eat itself.

That some people have been rejecting it since time immemorial doesn't mean those behaviours don't exist.

What I'm disagreeing with is this: new doctrines of consumerism that is <snip> making us all willing to use each other (apparently) for our short-term jollies.

It isn't the new doctrines of consumerism that are making us do this, it's human nature; we like to fuck.

So your argument ... isn't one.

There's still worlds between liking to fuck and using each other like toys. Though consumerist attitudes may not be new, see e.g. that Latin dude talking about how the mind is a fire to be kindled, not a vessel to be filled.

> Judeo-Christian inspired sexual ethics

There are religions outside the Judeo-Islamic world with similar views. Besides, such mores also have a lot to do with culture and class.

Why? What’s so intrinsically special in monogamy to deserve the label “unmitigated good”?

Long term it's the most stable.

Hmm, not sure there's enough data to discern confounding factors and assert monogamy guarantees stable and durable relations. Narrative and history actually suggest otherwise, that the constraint or expectation of monogamy eventually undoes the relationship...

IMHO it's bad, as long as a lifestyle is pushed heavily from people who aren't immediate family. Doesn't matter if it's "hookup culture" or waiting for the prince charming to marry.

> as long as a lifestyle is pushed heavily from people who aren't immediate family

Is a lifestyle pushed by people who are immediately family inherently a good thing?

I just thought, to a certain age, it may be required. I'm not a parent so I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

I like that for myself but how can you say that is good?

There’s a vast difference between a hookup culture and having consensual, if casual, sex with someone.

A relationship without doubt is a good thing but it isn’t the only thing. Modern society for shallow moral reasons conflates committed relationships with sex.

This causes a lot of problems and probably is one of the main reasons why relationships break up or people feel miserable in relationships.

There’s a vast difference between a hookup culture and having consensual, if casual, sex with someone.

Is hookup necessarily (or even mostly) non-consensual? I'm probably missing some cultural context, what's the distinction you're making?

It's about the way it's painted in the media. Hookups are often depicted as negative, morally questionable and at times non-consensual as well (mostly involving drugs). There's been a moral panic about this in recent years.

Having consensual, casual sex with someone on the other hand shouldn't ever be considered questionable, given that you're being honest with everyone involved, which might include someone you're in a committed relationship with at the time.

So, doing something consensually never is a bad thing. Lying is, to others as well as to yourself.

> Hookups are often depicted as negative, morally questionable and at times non-consensual as well (mostly involving drugs).

Why on Earth would you conflate hookups and rape? Please stop.

To those downvoting this comment: Renowned relationship therapists like Esther Perel seem to agree with me on this matter.

Ah, the vaunted ”appeal to authority”... a logical fallacy that hadn’t yet shown up on this sub-thread.

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