It's a joke article attributing the misbehavior of buggy suspend/resume on Linux to the kernel achieving sentience and expressing its desires through crashing (or not).

the author compares linux suspend/resume to a clingy pet.

at home, it works alright.

resuming at work, the volume keys don't work.

suspending on weekends will just not work, like it wants to stay in.

i'm not sure if the author validated their theory. wouldn't surprise me if, depending on nervous system of handler and location, some EM or electrostatic fields were slightly affecting the hardware...

it actually was and is up for me, just loading horribly slow. The essence of this post is: "Windows suspend/resume may work just fine. Mac too. But Linux’s suspend/resume isn’t a buggy pile of crap. It’s an intelligent buggy pile of crap, that just wants to be loved."