You don't have to. Just don't do business in the EU / with EU citizens.
> What happens when the laws in my country conflict with the laws the EU imposes on me from afar?
You have a choice - either break the laws or your country, or... just don't do business in the EU.
(I do hope GDPR doesn't affect your company much; it seems to be doing God's good work, unlike most of the companies GDPR is targeted at.)
This does not make sense on web.
EU resident streaming a movie from netflix. Is netflix doing business in EU ? Or Is it the customer doing business in USA ? For example, it can be argued that its as if the customer went to USA, bought the dvd.
Yes. Furthermore they have licensed content for this purpose.
If you have zero establishment in EU whatsoever, fines could be taken from all your EU sales revenue (i.e. any funds en route from EU customers to you), and it could be expected that (after they smooth out the process) they also might get a local (e.g. USA) court ruling to enforce that debt on you, there's a lot of international cooperation between the authorities in regards to enforcing trade law. That will take time, though, so until that you're safe unless you want to take money from EU customers or sell the user/advertisement information to EU (or compliant) businesses - in which case, you'll rather want to be compliant.
> For example, it can be argued that its as if the customer went to USA, bought the dvd.
A DVD does not collect your personal information and send them to the producer for processing.
Are you saying if I sell to EU tourists visiting USA, I have to follow EU laws ?
> A DVD does not collect your personal information and send them to the producer for processing.
Thats come after when we determine whos doing business where. Or replace dvd with a survilliance device disguised as a toy.
As for not doing any business with EU citizens this is impossible to comply with even if it was an option as there is no way of knowing if a person is an EU citizen or not.
Besides, this situation only came about because companies did nothing, especially US companies w.r.t. EU data protection laws. It's a bit like the loot box thing, they thought they could get away with it, pushed it too far, and now they're dealing with the backlash of being huge, amoral scumbags.
Anyway this is the sort of argument children use - “john did it too”.