Allright, I'll bite.
Let's do a simple budget for a $400K household. This puts you in the top 1.2% of incomes, nation-wide, by the way. Say, 40% of that goes towards income taxes (A bit of a high estimate, even, since taxes are progressive, there are deductions, your 401K isn't taxed, but whatever).
That leaves $240,000.
Two adults, so $40,000 goes to your 401K, no questions asked. It's the responsible thing to do. You're already saving as much as a median SF household takes home, but that's fine.
Two cars. You can buy a working car that will probably last you seven years for $10,000, or ten years for $20,000. Let's ammortize it at $2,000/year, with another $3,000/year in gas, insurance, oil changes, tires, etc.
That's $190,000 left over. Let's say you take two nice family vacations, for another $20,000 total. That's not living frugally, since you're spending more money on fun then what someone making your coffee makes in a year, but that's fine, you're definitely middle class.
Let's say you save another $50,000/year. Kids need braces, your car may get dented, you might want to order tex-mex every once in a while, you want to build that retirement fund.
You're left with $120,000/year in cash, to spend on food and housing.
If you can't figure out how to live on that, I hate to break it, but you're mismanaging your money. The median SF household lives on $77,000/year - that is BEFORE taxes. Half of them manage to raise at least one child on that. $400,000/year is completely out of touch with what normal middle-class people can spend. You don't need two Model Ss, Junior doesn't need to go to a top 5% elementary school, and you can probably make due without a two-week trip to Spain and another to Hawaii.