I'll give a couple more examples: I consider myself to have very liberal political views. My father is a strict honest to god Republican and teetering Tea Party sympathizer. In order to be able to better understand his point of view, I have a button on my car radio set to his Republican political station. Every now and then I listen to it, even though I despise it. But I get a little glimpse into what he believes in, and what he's listening to it. Personally, I couldn't care less what the right-wing nut jobs are ranting about, but I do care about being able to communicate with my Dad about his interests.

Another: a good friend is a very talented amateur photographer. I know nothing about photography and it is not a personal interest of my own. But since my friend started learning, I ask him questions about the cameras he is buying, and the specs on each, the techniques he is practicing, etc. Because of this, my friend gets to share a really important part of his life with me, and I get to learn new things about photography and gain a certain appreciation for that art and the work that goes into it.

Take the husband/wife element out of my article. What it boils down to is opening our minds to things outside of our own spectrum. In turn, it makes the other person feel valued that you take the time to understand some basics about what they love.

I'm not suggesting that a programer's spouse should drop his/her career and become a programmer. But knowing enough to be able to hold some conversation with him/her and to be able to relate with them on some level shows that you're willing to step outside yourself, and think about what's important to the other person. I think we do this all the time in our relationships - we try to relate to our SO constantly. But programming seems to be one of those interests that are just avoided altogether in many cases.