Comment by RiderOfGiraffes | Hacker News Reader

Comment by RiderOfGiraffes | Hacker News Reader

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RiderOfGiraffes

I disagree with you entirely.

My wife has no real interest in programming, but is learning about it through conversations because she cares about me, and therefore cares about what I do. If I were to suddenly die or otherwise leave her life, she wouldn't continue any connection with programming.

I have no real interest in embroidery or painting, but I am learning about it as I talk with her about her loves and interests. If for some reason I were to lose her, embroidery and painting would cease to be part of my life.

I don't see the original author mocking anyone, I see her deploring the fact that so many people don't take a genuine interest in what their life partner does, and which is sometimes their passion.

I see the original author suggesting that a genuine effort to understand one's partner's interest will enrich both lives.

I've heard that Churchill once said: "If over dinner you find yourself seated next to a manufacturer of glass eyes, take the opportunity to learn about it - you will probably never get the chance again."

I've not been able to track down the definitive source, but I don't care - I believe the sentiment to be true, and by following that precept my life is much richer than it once was.

I'm not disagreeing with the sentiment at all. As a curious learner it is most certainly something I employ myself.

I don't restrict that to my wife's passions however. I also don't insist on the behaviour from her towards my passions.

It should not be hard to be engaged in your partner’s interests. If it is that hard, you might want consider the possibility that you might be full of yourself

This is what I have an issue with. She says this, yet she herself "is interested" in a passion she shares.

It's disingenuous, and the only other examples she gives are that of her husband.

I'll give a couple more examples: I consider myself to have very liberal political views. My father is a strict honest to god Republican and teetering Tea Party sympathizer. In order to be able to better understand his point of view, I have a button on my car radio set to his Republican political station. Every now and then I listen to it, even though I despise it. But I get a little glimpse into what he believes in, and what he's listening to it. Personally, I couldn't care less what the right-wing nut jobs are ranting about, but I do care about being able to communicate with my Dad about his interests.

Another: a good friend is a very talented amateur photographer. I know nothing about photography and it is not a personal interest of my own. But since my friend started learning, I ask him questions about the cameras he is buying, and the specs on each, the techniques he is practicing, etc. Because of this, my friend gets to share a really important part of his life with me, and I get to learn new things about photography and gain a certain appreciation for that art and the work that goes into it.

Take the husband/wife element out of my article. What it boils down to is opening our minds to things outside of our own spectrum. In turn, it makes the other person feel valued that you take the time to understand some basics about what they love.

I'm not suggesting that a programer's spouse should drop his/her career and become a programmer. But knowing enough to be able to hold some conversation with him/her and to be able to relate with them on some level shows that you're willing to step outside yourself, and think about what's important to the other person. I think we do this all the time in our relationships - we try to relate to our SO constantly. But programming seems to be one of those interests that are just avoided altogether in many cases.

That is an entirely different point than what was presented in the article. It is possible however that it was the style of presentation where I found fault and not with the substance itself.

As I said, I agree that it is a great thing to keep your mind open to other people's views, thoughts and feelings.

It takes a very curious mind however to find this practice at all interesting. A lot of people aren't really enamored by learning for it's sake alone.

But programming seems to be one of those interests that are just avoided altogether in many cases.

It most certainly is not. It just happens to be the one you see the most, especially since you and your husband - against the grain - share this passion.

Programming is no different than any other passion in this regard, from quilting to football to fashion to cigars.

Well rounded people will have a great many things they are passionate about. There will be those that their spouses share with them, and those that they do not. Provided that the amount shared works for both of them, what these particular passions are is irrelevant.

The problem with most programmers frankly is not that their SO's don't share their passion, it's that they have little beyond a passion for programming.

The less well rounded, the less likely you are to find a person to relate to.

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