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Comment by dkarl | Hacker News Reader

This always blows my mind. You’re married to someone, and you aren’t interested enough in the person to know anything about what they do with nearly 40-50% of their time, aside from their job title?

This is underappreciated. I had a girlfriend who was an accountant. At the end of the day, she'd want to vent about work, and guess what? I couldn't follow her without asking some questions about accounting. Suddenly, I was interested in accounting, because I wanted to understand why she was annoyed or stressed or happy or relieved when she got home from work, and I didn't want to just nod and say "uh huh, uh huh" while she was talking about something that was an important part of her life. Now I don't give two shits about accounting.

If that's unusual, sign me up for an unusual woman.

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I can't see how it could be any other way. If I get a girlfriend from a different country, I'll at least try to learn the basics of her language and be able to have some decent conversations. Anything else would be a conscious disinterest in your girlfriend and what makes her tick. It's almost a blessing to have such an glaring chance to learn more about your significant other.

I have a theory that most people just don't like being alone, so finding someone to fulfill that need is enough. It doesn't matter what that person does, what they look like etc... As long as they are reasonably inoffensive, then they are a winner. It is called settling, most people do it.

no, that's different. Sure, we all settle for the best we think can get, or the first 'good enough' (or the third 'good enough' or whatever. we choose a mate. You are unlikely to pick the absolute most optimal person.)

The previous comments in this thread (and the article) suggest that once you do choose a person, for whatever reason, "settling" or not, you should put some effort in to better understanding and relating to them.

Too bad my presence on hacker news doesn't count.

Actually, it's a pretty good example, I think, of how you pay more attention to the boring business crap I care about, even though we already have pretty big overlaps in professional interests. I certainly feel like you value me, and that you value my skills, even though it could be said that you are, uh, more technically skilled than I am.

I was mostly speaking out of past relationship experiences... at one point I was seeing a student- a psychology major, even. She thought my skills and interests were, well, kindof dumb, and I felt the same way about hers (I was, uh, quite a lot younger than I am now.) I think the relationship lasted all of two months, and it is pretty amazing, considering how little we were willing to value the mental aspects of the other, that it lasted that long.

"I have a theory that most people just don't like being alone, so finding someone to fulfill that need is enough." You are not alone, that i can think of, Arthur Schopenhauer and Friedrich Nietzsche thought the same.

A strong preference for being with anyone inoffensive instead of being alone is generally the result of being alone for a long time. It doesn't survive a long period of being with someone. Once you've been with someone for awhile, the possibility of being alone becomes a siren song that haunts you whenever your partner irritates you in the smallest way. What makes a long-term relationship worthwhile despite the stress of living with another ego and bundle of needs is the unique support and understanding you can get from someone who has known you for years.

Yea... With my wife's study I try to involve myself. I think my wife does not want to completely understand programming or is intimidated by it.

She did get the geekiness aspect though, in fact when I didn't want to join my college's sci-fi club she signed us both up (and became the president who all feared and respected). We had a blast there and made some life-long friends. Then she watched star trek: tng and the love of ST began :).

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