Comment by jchw | Hacker News Reader

Comment by jchw | Hacker News Reader

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Social media and people on social media do not know us better than we know ourselves because all of us lie and try to look cool on social media. Like, can you think of the last time you saw someone clearly trying to act smart on a forum, maybe even... right here?

As far as I'm concerned, all social media knows is how to exploit us. It hones in on what gets us engaged. I think that is far worse than 'knowing us' - I'd actually find that comforting, in some ways.

As an example, I don't think social networks really want to work on ending abusive behavior or harassment because often those behaviors create engagement. People logging on to argue at random people about whether or not you should've voted for $CANDIDATE vehemently all day long are people using the platform and showing up in the numbers. It's good business. Verifying an actual nazi on Twitter? People may have been angry but they expressed it _by using the platform itself_. Whether Twitter was right to verify them is up to you, but the reaction is undeniable.

But honestly, we're all bullshit artists. I would never go liking all of the stuff I like in real life on a Facebook in my name. Do I want all of my friends and future employers to know how obsessed I am with some subculture? Not really. I'd rather like things that make me look normal and fit in.

I haven't been on Facebook in a long time, but the Internet as a whole has felt worse since engaging socially as my real life identity. I felt it was more fun and genuine when it wasn't real life identities, although that ship may have sailed thanks to bots and vandalism.

I'm starting to think that the hyper-engagement of fighting over every $CANDIDATE, $CAUSE, and $OUTRAGE is going to drive people away from Social Media.

I started doing blackouts on Twitter and Facebook every time some major news event occurs because I just don't want to hear about it. And the one thing that I have noticed is a slow consolidation of my Facebook feed to just a narrow slice of hyper-engaged people who post multiple times a day about whatever the latest outrage is -- the broader spectrum of users haven't deleted their accounts, but most on my "Friends" list haven't posted in years. I suspect a lot of my friends are disengaged from the platform precisely because they have zero interest in fighting their loud, opinionated relatives of opposing political sides.

I miss the days where everyone was just avatars, nick-names, personalities. It still seems odd to me to be expected to mix my virtual and real identities, since the "internet culture" when I got online insisted that you do not share your real-life identity* and Facebook came along and turned that entirely upside down.

*It was common practice on some of the bulletin boards that I frequented in the late nineties for users to maintain multiple accounts under different nicknames and personas, and even have conversations with themselves.

> since the "internet culture" when I got online insisted that you do not share your real-life identity* and Facebook came along and turned that entirely upside down.

That has been my number one objection to Facebook right from the start. I was long out of school when Facebook was first established, but the second I found out about the "real name" policy I thought to myself, "This can't end well."

On the one hand this is true: the things we tell social media are really unreliable indicators of ourselves.

On the other hand, the knowledge social media has about us goes beyond what we enter in it. They know what we read, often what website we visit, what we click on, what we hover over but don't click on, whose profiles we view, what posts/comments we start to type but then remove, etc. Those can reveal a lot of things we don't know about ourselves.

Facebook also knows a lot about what you do offline, such as the stores you visited and the purchases you’ve made.

I think that's exactly why companies fight so hard to watch our behavior everywhere: it's because they want to know the true us, or at least feed as much of the data about the real us to it's ad algorithms.

You're right, most people present the best them, as they see it, to the online world, and some just act like themselves online, "Ooh a piece of candy, ooh a piece of candy." For those who act true-to-self, the parameters (locations and actions) the internet provides for people to bounce around in, never expose that deep of an image of a person.

This also occurs during real life interactions as well. Few are completely genuine even when looking at them directly in the eyes. People omit information, some embellish, and others downright lie to make themselves appear the best possible.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone whom you connect with deeply and for a mere second you can see the true them? You can almost imagine them as a child because their truest essence comes out for a second during a laugh, or a cry. The truest external example of self.

We're a long way from software being able to grasp that level of understanding of a single person. Even if, it would be hard to categorize and sell ads to a person based on that. In other words, I hold out hope for the resurgence of appreciation of the other.

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