These days, people feel increasingly under fire. We have to watch what we say, what we do, who we offend, what our political affiliations are, and whether we are crossing any lines.
A little anecdote: I was hacking away on a couch in a mall, and a couple of techies came up to me doing a user study. They asked me whether their flyer might attract customers and what I thought would help. I complimented them that they were out trying to talk to users and thinking of ways to increase their growth rate. Their product looked genuinely interesting, so I asked if they'd be willing to shoot me a text message to keep in touch.
This was something I'd done twice before. Both of the times led to getting contacts that turned into a friendship or a lucrative gig.
I found myself unconsciously willing that the guy I was talking to would pull out his phone. But she offered first. I gave her my number, and she typed it in wrong. I corrected it, and she wrote a text message but didn't hit send. And I was surprised to feel relieved that she didn't actually text me.
This goes the other way too: A female friend's company recently made it to the interview stage at YC, and right away the founder started treating her differently. We couldn't figure out why. Then she remembered he made some joke about having to room together like they were in college. She couldn't help but wonder if her being female had something to do with the awkwardness.
But here's the thing. I know what's in my heart, and it's nothing but positive intentions. I'm rooting for equality, and I think everyone who's oppressed or experiencing discrimination needs to have a way of voicing those concerns.
How can we relax knowing that our political beliefs determine whether someone will want to work with us? Whether an inappropriate joke might haunt us? Whether a comment like "I don't think gender reassignment surgery on minors is a good idea" will be seen as oppressive and intolerant, and we might lose our jobs for it? What do we do if we want to participate in BDSM but have to live in fear of being stripped of our titles and leadership roles? https://www.sonyaellenmann.com/2017/10/drupal-gor-ayelet.htm...
I'm asking openly and genuinely. We should be coming together and finding ways to work as a unit in spite of philosophical or political differences. It shouldn't be a rush to spot someone saying the wrong thing or trying to catch someone doing something inappropriate.
None of this is to downplay or excuse any of the awful things that have recently come to light. It's a relief to see it being resolved. I'm merely trying to talk about the other side of the situation.
An open source project was looking for a code of conduct to adopt. They were considering the contributor covenant, since babel and other large projects use it. I tried to point out that it was a little controversial and that it may foster a more productive working environment to adopt a different model. The comment was deleted and the PR was locked until it was merged.
When ideas can't be discussed, pressure builds.
I thought maybe it was just me, but a friend of mine was recently at a risque party, and they said they happened to run into a young male techie. They joked that the party was pretty rowdy, and that there was all this inappropriate behavior going on, even though it was the point of the party. "Honestly," he said, "My biggest concern is running into someone I know from the tech scene."
How should we act in an era when one mistake will haunt us forever? Is there a point at which we're being too cautious? Or is it just the smart thing to do?
I don't know. I guess I was just hoping we could talk about some of this. It's feeling like people aren't allowed to have flaws.