Comment by xor1 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by xor1 | Hacker News Reader

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>I think what you describe is the main reason for a lack of sympathy for people with BPD. For people with other mental disorders, it's much easier to see how the person is suffering or negatively impacted by their illness. But it's often too difficult to see past one's own anger, frustration and annoyance to recognize that suffering in people with BPD.

It's not just this, but it's the frustration that comes from not being able to, for lack of a better term, fix BPD. You can pour your heart and soul into a relationship with someone who is borderline (as I did), and it will all be for nothing as soon as they split you. You can have a relationship spanning back years, maybe it's even someone you've known since you were a child, and suddenly a switch goes off in their brain and you may as well be someone that they just met yesterday.

There is no parity between Cluster Bs and "normal" people when it comes to things like friendship, loyalty, and obligation, and that has the potential to really hurt people. Some (most?) never figure out what Cluster B personality disorders are -- to them, these people are simply evil.

At best you have some success getting them to change and improve themselves, but then they just discard you and move on without so much as a second thought about you or your feelings. Unless they need you again in the future, that is.

> You can have a relationship spanning back years, maybe it's even someone you've known since you were a child, and suddenly a switch goes off in their brain and you may as well be someone that they just met yesterday.

This is a perfect description of what it's like. It seems to happen in episodes, too.

Every time you think you've built up some kind of bond (not anything special, just a typical everyday person-to-person emotional bond), there's another episode around the corner to reset it to zero in the blink of an eye for no apparent reason.

I was in a years-long relationship with someone with BPD, and eventually what I realized is that time doesn't strengthen anything with them. Nothing builds up over time, there's no foundation being built, you are always one instant away from being nothing to them.

Time can make you a recurring candidate for bizarre episodes of infatuation and idealization after you've left. But no amount of time you spend with them will ever meaningfully strengthen whatever bond you think you have.

> I was in a years-long relationship with someone with BPD, and eventually what I realized is that time doesn't strengthen anything with them. Nothing builds up over time, there's no foundation being built, you are always one instant away from being nothing to them.

i’m sorry for your experience but this is also patently false applied as a general statement to “us”. you’re not helping the situation by putting all of us over “there” where there is always one instant away of you being nothing to us.

> i’m sorry for your experience but this is also patently false applied as a general statement to “us”. you’re not helping the situation by putting all of us over “there” where there is always one instant away of you being nothing to us.

All untreated BPDs experience splitting. For me, that isn't up for debate. By that, I mean you can't convince me otherwise. It's a hallmark of the disorder. Maybe you are receiving treatment and able to suppress it, but as soon as treatment no longer works for you or you discontinue it, you will start to split again.

> All untreated BPDs experience splitting. For me, that isn't up for debate

I don't know where you got that information from, but I'll assume it's the bad experiences you mentioned. I'm sorry you made them. "a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation" is one of nine criterias used to diagnose BPD. One must fulfil only five, however. Please try not to make those generalizations. It's important. People suffering from borderline are still individual humans. Even if they have similar (not the same) problems as the ones who hurt you, it's not fair to divert your disappointment.

>People suffering from borderline are still individual humans.

Being the victim of childhood abuse or trauma does not give you the right to abuse people unrelated to those events today. You have agency, and you are responsible for your behavior.

Having a personality disorder does not give you license to abuse others and does not negate your responsibility for your behavior. Again, you have agency and your mental illness does not change that.

The fact that you did not choose to have BPD is irrelevant and does not give you the right to abuse others. It does not negate your responsibility for your own behavior.

Yes, I was the same, and I thought it was for no apparent reason. To give an example, I'd have a friend at my place, and we'd have a lot of fun playing for example computer games together, until the morning after where I wake up grumpy and don't feel like socialising at all. All I wanted to be, was alone on my own. I thought it was BPD as it fitted the bifurcation black/white thinking and I self-diagnosed as such until I figured many years later that the reason why it is occurring was that I suffer from autism, and this is a sign of overstimulation.

I ran around for more than 20 years, pretty much non-functioning. I searched for help various times, and received help, but not always in my own best interest (e.g. if organisation X pays for your professional help, its in their interest; not yours). Now that I know I suffer from autism I have a much easier time recognising the patterns, and once my therapy starts I'll have an easier time coping with myself and society.

It makes me wonder how many people are running around with incomplete or inaccurate diagnoses.

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