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Comment by brookside | Hacker News Reader

Have you always observed this behavior in your wife?

And I am curious, what happens when you delicately attempt to discuss this with her.

I didn't come to the BPD conclusion until pretty recently. Previously I figured it was the stereotypical situation where the husband is insensitive and cannot communicate what he means. I mean, I am insensitive, I know that. So, it took me quite a while to realize her reactions are not normal. Seeing her reactions to other people, especially her family members was key.

I've had discussions previously, in the right moment. She has admitted that she sometimes takes my comments as criticism when they are not intended as such. We did discuss getting couples therapy, which she was willing to try.

I was married to someone who I believe has BPD and we went to couples therapy ... be careful... it can and may well be used against you...whilst at the same time not help her condition...someone with BPD typically has many issues on the surface. These tend to consume the therapy sessions. Whilst the deep seated problems go unchecked...

I feel like the real issue for someone with BPD is processing incoming messages (verbal/actions etc.). When you're starting position is defensive and highly emotional, it's hard to be rational.... hence why messages are often misinterpreted and why people w/ BPD appear to live in another reality...they need to learn to slow down and use their rational brain to keep their emotions in check... I'm not sure she'll learn this from couples therapy

You might find this book helpful: The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Program to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence, and Happiness

https://www.amazon.com/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Program-Conf...

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