I never said that and, well, no shit they don't "patch themselves", so right off the bat your premise is wrong.
> you're already using grsecurity/PaX patches
Uh, no. The grsec developer is GPL violator.
It's always a question of "pick your poison": Debian stable users actually missed out on heartbleed completely because Lenny's OpenSSL was too old to have it.
I really think gentoo has the best packaging story of Linux distros, except perhaps 'newer' stuff like nixos/guix. Rolling releases (my gentoo box has a continuity since 2009 with nothing ever resembling a dist-upgrade of other distros that you're forced to do to get the latest and greatest), generally gets the latest versions of stuff and their patches first or among the first if you want to live on the bleeding edge, it's easy to find overlay packages for things not in the main tree, and even create your own 'packages' since everything is source-based, USE flags for customization, and anyway it has a good stable-only option too.
It's definitely possible to go overboard and get into trouble. But there's a lot to help. And with gentoo I was able to weather the gnome3/systemd madness and keep that stuff off my system despite having to keep around old gnome2 and udev packages until mate, eudev, etc. were ready. I don't know too much about Arch except the pain stories friends have relayed as they eventually gave up and switched to something else. Back when Arch decided to make Python 3 the default python well before it was ready someone on IRC quipped "<dash> well that confirms my impression that arch was invented by a bunch of guys who thought gentoo was too stable and easy to use".