It is really interesting. Military culture, especially elite special forces, breeds an extremely fascinating brand of human. Tough, practical in a basic sense, experience of human condition at a visceral level, extreme stress, indoctrination to violence and causing death, and a required level of training that you can interpret as supreme confidence.
The lessons you can learn from these extremes are imminently applicable to day to day life if you read between the lines. I completely get the desire to want to be a part of a special forces team. The sense of belonging, elite physical conditioning and knowledge that you are actually the best at something without the usual asterisk we all place on ourselves and skills.
There are tons of negatives as you have mentioned. Divorce rates are extremely high as you mentioned. What makes you good at being an elite soldier makes you really bad at being a companion to other humans that aren't also an elite special forces soldier serving along side you.
We ask a lot of these folks, mostly men. Interestingly most special forces men self select and are what I consider "fully developed" (age 25+). They have usually been in the military since they were adults. Young kids just joining the army often lack the life skills to cope with things. I suspect if you could not join the military until you were 25 there would be a lot less PTSD as 25 year olds have time to develop life coping skills in more humane environment. So special forces men (at least for us forces) really WANT to be there and have had time to get out. Regardless of the politics behind it these guys mostly stay in because they believe in their country and their brothers in arms. They often vehemently disagree with the politics of many situations.
No apology here for the jingoism and all the negative things that come with a militaristic culture, but it is fascinating to study these people and the extremes of training and conditioning they endure and what that can ultimately teach you about life. Heavy reading between the lines required, but the hacker crowd often dismisses these guys far too quickly because of all the negatives and militarism surrounding these guys. This culture exists, isn't going anywhere, and can teach a lot.
Anyway, I guess this was all to say, I share your dual fascination/repulsion with this culture. It is just interesting, and as hackers we should always learn about interesting stuff, even if we disagree with it.