Yeah, did my first relatively successful startup in high school. Got into one of the top incubators(may be even YC). Have many people that would kill to be me. And yet, they don't know about the monsterous rut my life is plagued with--mostly because when I do get my "mojo", I am super productive and successful(even if just for few weeks or months).

I am very hard on myself and hate drama. Yet I find myself turning into that failure I never saw myself becoming and can never accept. Really, I cannot go a life as a failure. I still have plenty of belief that I can change--but it's taken a lot of hit in the last five years of trying and falling back to the same place.

Since you're still in school, have a chat with a psychological counselor on campus.

I'll do this. Last time I went to the school shrink, I was prescribed a pill but I never used the prescription. I got my idea for a startup and most of the issues went away(I got into the incubator; startup failed but still did relatively ok)...but looking back, it seems like it was only a temporary fix.