Well, it's way too late for that. You need to send that statement back to mid-1990s.
Or does your processor natively execute Javascript text?
That dogmatic declaration is nonsense. Compilers are just code. Certain programming language compilers are very slow due to the immense complexity of their task but there's nothing intrinsically slow about compilers/interpreters next to any number of other normal tasks. I've even sped code up by replacing large swathes of ad-hoc hard-coded crap code with a nice small interpreter that was small enough to be feasibly optimized, rather than the mass of code that was previously there that everybody was afraid to touch.
The really slow part would be the parsing, really, and if Less.js doesn't already have a "straight from JSON" mode, it would be easy enough to add one, then you could actually use the "native" Javascript parser and compiler.