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Comment by cheez | Hacker News Reader

1) I never said that women are the only ones who do this. I just said if she is the type who will support you. Nowhere in my statement did I say anywhere near all women are of type X. You seemed to assume I meant that, which I didn't. I know the value of a supportive woman. My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier.

2) It absolutely does make a difference. Freak out type? Divorce on top of the stress. Supportive? Let's go on a vacation and I'll blow you till your head pops.

Other people mentioned stoicism. You will naturally become stoic after making it through a brutal pain like this one. Stick it out. It is a superpower. It will help you withstand anything without buckling.

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> My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier.

Learning to deal with stuff yourself doesn't preclude asking your partner for help with making a decision that can impact both of you for the rest of your lives.

You do what you like doing, and he'll do what he likes doing. This isn't an interesting argument.

It's a discussion, not an argument. Why would you marry someone if you couldn't talk to them about decisions like this? The whole damn point of a life partner is to have someone you can figure out life with.

It's a tough call, realistically speaking.

On the one hand, you'd expect your significant other to be supportive. But on the other hand, your significant other may be used to a certain kind of lifestyle, and may not take too kindly to losing that lifestyle.

>blow you till your head pops

Gross. Please practice better analogies.

Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...

It may have been crude, but his example isn't wrong. On the contrary is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief?

Is he really implicating anything here or is this fitting a predetermined narrative you've conjured?

The real sad thing here is that some people are seeing sex with their wives as a "favour", something like a one sided affair....

Come now. I'm sure everyone remembers their parents sleeping in different rooms after a certain amount of time.

If one partner's libido decreases before the other's, it may very well be a favor for the partner whose libido has decreased. Nothing wrong with that, and if it's a healthy relationship, both partners will not mind doing favors for one another...

Sure. But why should anyone assume that is the case here?

> is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief?

No. Not it is not the case. No therapist would suggest sex for stress relief. While there is some evidence suggesting regular sex can reduce stress, it's on the same order of magnitude as exercise, getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy for the relationship.

> Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy for the relationship.

That sounds really strange to me. Is that from a religious viewpoint of sex? eg "sex is a sin" type of thing?

The issue is when it is a prescribed antidote to treat stress. When sex becomes an obligation to your partner it can create tension in the relationship.

>When sex becomes an obligation to your partner

In a healthy relationship where neither partner is asexual, both partners should regularly want to have sex with each other, what is this nonsense about "obligation"?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/paintracking/201111/the...

https://drstanhyman.com/sex-therapy/

https://www.beckinstitute.org/detail/sexual-dysfunctions/

http://www.refinery29.com/health-benefits-of-sex

1. refers to chronic pain treatment, and has several caveats. It's also a blog post, not professional advice from a clinician, so also take it with a grain of salt.

2. isn't using sex as therapy, it's therapy for problems relating to sex. There is a link in there relating to stress management (https://drstanhyman.com/life-coaching-for-stress-management/) but doesn't once bring up sex as a stress management technique.

3. Is just a list of sexual dysfunctions, nothing about stress or treating it with sex.

4. Is another blog post, mostly citing pop psychology books. But nowhere does it prescribe sex for psychological problems.

Jesus Christ, do you guys live life or do you just watch other people do it.

Let me lay it out for you. Founder gets busy, wife is understanding that his libido is down. Wife understands that sex (which releases oxytocin - pair bonding chemical) + connection could help founder. Wife gives founder incentive to reconnect. Founder is re-energized as a result.

This is what a supportive wife could do.

> Jesus Christ, do you guys live life or do you just watch other people do it.

We ban accounts that post uncivilly like this, so would you please edit it out of your comments here?

Unfortunately, I can't edit it now but I will refrain from doing it. Sorry about that.

yep, sure was silly to presume sexist attitude in original comment..

> Supportive? Let's go on a vacation and I'll blow you till your head pops.

Not appropriate. Take that shit elsewhere.

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