Dating and relationships are not problems to be solved. There is a fair amount of serendipity in life that comes when you allow for experiences that you would otherwise write off because of their outcomes. I am around @valueprop's age and I know that as we get older, we get more set in our ways. We start to trust in our ways and eschew other ways because, well, we are here and alive. I know change is hard. And the world can be overwhelming for the introverted.
To make a new life, break out of your ways. Life can be absolutely exhilarating when you do. And stop using the "lonely programmer" narrative. There is someone out there in the world to whom that description appeals, but those people are few and far between. Adopt a different label or two. Passionate thinker. Great listener. Music lover. Avid swimmer. Rogue biker. Uno strategist extraordinaire.