Anecdata seems to suggest that dating websites work relatively well, especially as they become more socially acceptable. I know several couples now married who met through one. Also, [smallish] parties/social gatherings often have friends of friends which tends to be a decent form of curation.
> And the ones most willing to engage have their own reasons for seeking out a lonely programmer. ... > What dating advice/strategies do you have for software engineers aiming to establish a family?
You are not your profession. If your identity is overly intertwined with your profession, this could potentially be part of the problem.
At the end of the day you have to be an attractive human being (not just a programmer!) that other people enjoy being around, including potential partners. It may be time for some serious self-reflection to figure out what is root cause of your loneliness, and what can be done to improve oneself to fix this, to build relationships with both men and women, and not just a spouse.