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Comment by mack73 | Hacker News Reader

> Shyness is a mental disorder and a severe disadvantage.

No, and not always.

E.g. from my experience, many intelligent and beautiful women prefer the shy type over the boastful sales person becuase it signals you are a thinker and that you take nothing for granted. In that context, is shyness really a disadvantange?

Many employers also think like that.

But can shyness be a sign of a certain degree of imaturity? I think so, more than I subscribe to the idea it's a disorder.

Do you suffer from it and beat yourself up because of your shyness? Then it's a problem, perhaps a small issue with your self-esteem. It can be fixed though. Just like almost anyone can learn math, almost all mental hickups can be fixed, if you have an interest in fixing them.

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I don't think it really matters what you call it, and I accept that you may feel differently about it. But in my own personal experience there's absolutely nothing good about shyness. It's crippling and it will make you, well... shy away from many good things in life. It is an emotional inadequacy and it will have a negative effect on your life.

I'm sorry if someone was offended by my previous comment, that was not my intent.

Woman don't prefer the shy types. Even if they claim they do. Masculinity is defined by assertiveness, aggression and confidence and it works like a nature's built-in override switch in women, even if they claim it doesn't.

Generalities again.

You can be shy and be confident and aggressive in how you think and live your life.

Some women will be attracted to shy men because they are just less of a hurdle to flirt with.

There are trends those days, maybe due to feminism, where women are taking more initiative in dating. Women are selectors by definition, so if we let them choose, it might be simpler and just better.

Also women can end up hurt and bored by alpha males, and they will end up seeking simpler relationships.

"hurt and bored by alpha males"

But we should give most alpha males a break, I think. They're as insecure as you are, probably. Most alpha males I know are quite fun to be around. You get to stand in line outside of clubs less.

Always try to know at least an alpha male.

> But we should give most alpha males a break, I think.

I don't have anything against alphas, I'm just saying some women might prefer a relationship that is less traditional and not oriented towards some masculine ideal. We are not hunter gatherer anymore.

> They're as insecure as you are, probably.

I don't really give a damn. They are millions ways to be dominant.

> You get to stand in line outside of clubs less.

Many women don't like to go to clubs or don't really care to enjoy those kind of privileges.

> Always try to know at least an alpha male.

Actually as a woman, being around an alpha male might actually prevent you from being approached by potential male partners. Unless you are determined to get your alpha male.

I don't really buy into the whole alpha male thing anyway, which revolves around the winner/loser pragma, which is too cliched for modern times. Women yell about the whole patriarchy thing, I don't really believe in it, but I've heard a lot about groups of women who just settle for beta people because they are happy with it. So again, generalities.

"Masculinity is defined by..." Masculinity is not always prefered, at least not as the stongest trait in a person.

Shyness to me signals curiosity, a person with a healthy dose of undecisiveness, someone still learning. It's attractive to be in a learning or growing phase.

Me, personally, when it comes to women, I like them medium-shy.

Shyness is estimated to be a 40%-60% heritable trait. If it was an inherent massive disadvantage that women abhorred as you seem to suggest, then shy men simply would swiftly cease to exist.

Yet they do exist, which suggests that actually it isn't some huge disadvantage, or that it has compensating advantages.

You forgot one factor - you don't have to directly participate in reproduction to have your genes passed through. Otherwise, homosexuals would cease to exist as well. It's a bit more complex than that.

Hey, but what about shy women? If you include them into your calculations then your theory breaks down.

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