You know you're awesome when you bust out the micrometer to systematize the rendering of perfect french fries.
...and about the only interesting part of the article. I enjoy cooking and I love potatoes; I even have a dozen or so potato plants/tubers/whatever growing in the garden. But even I realized years ago that the key to good french fries with low effort is to buy the OreIda "fast food" fries and cook them myself in the fat of my choice.
I've tried all the methods I read about and still the premade ones are better. Something I've never been able to say about any other food I cook.
I actually have the same model Starrett dial caliper pictured in the link.
The first episode I saw was on fish and chips too.