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Comment by michael_dorfman | Hacker News Reader

I think the article is missing the point.

It's not that you can't have a secret and be on Facebook-- it's that you can't have anybody who knows your secret be on Facebook.

Put another way: even if "Joe" (from the article) were not on Facebook, that wouldn't have stopped someone from posting a comment about his boyfriend.

People talk about other people. You can't control what they say. If these people are publishing their comments (to their "friends", or on blogs, to the general public), you're shit out of luck.

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Even more to the point: you can't have a secret that other people know about and aren't completely diligent about protecting.

Somebody letting your secret slip offline means one of your social circles will find out, and if you're very, very lucky it will stop there. But chance meetings do take place; your cousin bumps into one of your coworkers in the airport, notices his company shirt, and says "hey, do you know my cousin lotharbot? Did you know he really likes the Teletubbies?"

Facebook speeds up this process by increasing meetings between people from your different social circles. But fundamentally, the problem isn't Facebook, the problem is your friends letting your secret slip.

Furthermore, the example outlined in the opening could have just as easily happened in an overheard real-life conversation rather than online.

Joe was upset with our friend for sending the tweet, the content of which was a bit careless but totally benign, and my response to him was a combination of devil’s advocacy and good old-fashioned tough love.

Joe's friend could have been just as careless (or ignorant about his sexuality being a secret) by making a comment in front of people who were not aware of the secret.

The issue isn't being online, or Facebook or Twitter - the issue is keeping a secret.

edit: whoops, thenduks made the same exact argument I made here, but better

It could be mitigated if Facebook offered real privacy controls, mainly keeping our social circles separate from each other like we do in real life. I'd like the option: if a member of network X posts on my wall, members from network Y and Z should not be able to see it.

But that would require real privacy controls and it goes against Facebook's absurd mission statement to open up the entire world (or whatever that embroidery is inside that dopey hoodie).

No, I don't think you understand. I was outted long before anyone wrote anything on my wall simply by who I was friends with.

It's immediately obvious to me that various people around me who are "straight" aren't, seeing as we have 40 friends in common and 38 of them are gay...

Apparently the article missed this point entirely. Shame. Some university did a study that they could very accurately predict sexuality based on friends, frienships, etc.

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