' Maybe it's that I listened to too much punk rock as a kid, but I have this odd personality trait where if someone criticizes me for something that I consider illegitimate, I get this instant, visceral "fuck you" response, and their critique does me no good.'

Oh, been there, done that. :)

I used to despise the people who would give me grief for smoking. They were wasting their time, and it was none of their fucking business.

Later, after I quit smoking, it occurred to me that those admonitions helped. Much as I hated to accept that, the regular jibes kept alive the idea of quitting.

I hate being told what to do, especially if it's coupled with the idea that what I'm currently doing is both wrong and stupid, but that's just pride.

I didn't quit smoking because people told me to, but having people constantly tell me to quit did help keep the idea percolating in the back of my head, a contribution to my finally coming to terms with what needed to be done and mustering the reserve to just do it.

There's the risk that some people will spite themselves just to show the world how independent they are, and the more you tell them what that must do, the less likely they are to do it. But provoking people into reconsidering their actions, even if it annoys them, may help in the long run.