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We're in US-West-2 and our ELBs are dropping 5XXs like there's no tomorrow. This is definitely cascading.

We're in US-West-2 and not seeing any issues. Are the instances behind your ELB trying to access S3 in their application logic?

Nope. No S3 logic behind the scenes. A few of the ELBs are fine, and a few are not. Seems random.

The EC2 instances themselves are fine, but the affected ELBs are spitting out 500s.

All our systems are running just fine in us-west-2 right now.