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Comment by sporkenfang | Hacker News Reader

Trouble is, we are a fifteen person startup and my boss is a friend of that guy's from way back. I honestly would feel odd mentioning it. There's no way to couch it in "what if a hypothetical person..." because he's known this guy for longer than the company has existed.

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By passively accepting this situation your are part of the problem. Morality aside, your coworker that denigrates employees by calling them girls is opening your 15 person startup to justifiable lawsuits (discrimination and hostile work environment) that could easily shut it down.

The fact that the main problem source is friends with your boss makes it a more challenging conversation, but in no way alleviates your responsibility of having it.

Sit down and talk with the boss. Sure, he may find it harder to intervene when it's a friend, but he may also have a lot more leverage over a friend than he would over an average employee - namely, the threat of shaming among their shared friends.

The problem I'm having with it is he has to know this guy does this. It's not exactly subtle or I likely would not have noticed. He's been in the room before when it happened, and the two of them go out for drinks on Fridays and such all the time. I think it is not a problem for him or he would have pulled the guy aside and told him.

You should probably find a new startup to join/start.

That's my plan actually. Once I have nothing to lose I'm going to tell the guy he's being an asshole to the women engineers and ask if he'd consider not doing that because it's a shitty way to treat anyone. Preferably with boss present.

He may be in denial about other people's perceptions. You talked about bringing it up after you have an escape plan - make sure you're bringing it up with the boss too.

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