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Comment by deathly_dev | Hacker News Reader

This is sad yet completely understandable. I attempted suicide last night. After being blocked from being able to put my kids to bed by my soon-to-be-ex-maybe-but-hopefully-I-can-fix-it wife, looking at not having much in the way of visitation. It's just too much. Add financial pressure, the only thing my wife seems to respond to, and I can't take it. Writing software requires creativity from the inside - emotional stress disables me. Not fair, perhaps I'm weak, but there it is.

The cry for help stuff is annoying, too. I didn't contact anyone last night because either I cause more emotional harm (they don't stop me) or I'm just an drama-causing guy that is so unstable of course his kids can't be around him.

I used to think this was a silly response until I was in the situation. Maybe things would have gotten for this guy, maybe not.

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I am glad that you are still here with us, and I would strongly urge you to get help, in whatever way. Friends and family are of course, the first ones I would suggest, but if you feel that you do not want to burden them, then please contact a help line, or a priest, or a counselling service - whatever. A lot of them let you stay anonymous.

In my experience, when you are in that state of mind that suicide seems the only/easiest option, then there is NO WAY that you are thinking of the best outcomes for other people in your life.

You not ever being there for your kids ever again is NOT a better option that you being there broken, but still there for them to be able to actually tell you how they feel and listen to you. Not even close.

You will be far too enmeshed in your own feelings of hopelessness and loss to be able to think clearly. You NEED someone who can look at the 'helicopter view' objectively and bring a new perspective to your mental state. Even a complete stranger who is empathetic can do that. They don't even need to say much - just listen to YOU saying it. The act of talking it out can help on a massive level.

My kids were very young when I went through my patch about 15 years ago. I look at them now and think about all the incredibly wonderful things I would have missed if I was not here.

Go. Talk to someone. Now.

Hang in there man! Last year I was in your situation, being at the receiving end of a divorce with 3 young kids. You are currently in the darkest place, I know. Sometimes everything looks black. Your ego sank through the bottom. But it will get lighter soon, don't give up hope. Although it might seem that there is no future, there certainly is, and it is brighter than anything you can imagine right now.

More people will help you than you think. Friends, family, colleagues. Try to find a friend that went through more or less the same situation, getting dumped by the one he/she loved.

You can mail me at koen@koonsolo.com.

You might be like me, having no access to healthcare to get counciling, I would recommend Alanon if you can't afford therapy, its free and sometimes sharing with other people is more healing than therapy with a "professional." I've been through many horrific things myself, you need to plug into a compassionate community of some kind, the isolation will kill you, you need people you can talk to in person, you need hugs and commiseration and compassion and some loving care from a genuine community.

Can you focus on one problem at a time? First, just go buy an ice cream. Take you kids in a car ride, to the playground - and eat ice cream. Listen to them laugh. Play with them. See you in them. Take time off work, go to that place in town that makes your heart smile. For me, it's the mtn bike track - what is it for you? GO see a movie, talk to someone in line. Ask them about their day. Have pancakes. Now call someone - anyone - and just say "can we have lunch"? Small, controllable wins are your way out. Your kids are your way out. The "mind-fuck" will go away.

it's well worth it to seek help..

please reach out to family, friends, anyone and to talk through any problems

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