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Comment by k-mcgrady | Hacker News Reader

>> "If they do the above and keep your water glass filled constantly without need to ask, if your meal, drink orders and dessert come out promptly and correctly

This shouldn't be considered exceptional. It's what I'm paying for and should not require tipping.

>> if they ask if everything is ok throuought the meal at appropriate times

I understand you included 'appropriate' but this is honestly the thing that irritates me most about tipping culture. When I visit the US the barrage of 'how is everything etc.' throughout every meal drives me insane. Leave me alone to enjoy the food and conversation, stop interrupting it.

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It's hard to do the latter. When is the appropriate time to intervene to ask if everything is ok?

But I can't tell you how many times I've not had a fork, or needed a drink and my waitperson never came to ask if I needed anything. The frustration can go both ways.

> When is the appropriate time to intervene to ask if everything is ok?

Where I grew up (The Netherlands) this simply does not exist. If you need something you ask the waiter and only then they'll come to you. Likewise for the check, the check only comes when you ask for it. It is considered extremely rude to get the check before you've asked for it.

Of course, after living in the US for 5 years I've become accustomed to all kinds of weird things (like the insistence of having salad before the entree, and entree not being an appetizer, simply blows my mind).

Can you elaborate on "entree not being an appetizer?"

Outside the US and Canada 'entrée' is served before the main course. In the US and Canada entrée refers to the main course.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entr%C3%A9e

I bartended for a couple years (and waiting tables was a part of that). it's actually pretty easy. After their food comes out, ask if they need anything else. If you see an empty glass, ask if they want a refill. Otherwise, just drift by occasionally and pay attention to the table. If they need you, they'll be looking to make eye contact / flag you down as you walk by and you won't need to say anything if they don't want you. Basically just don't be one of those servers that stands at the wait-station or bar, playing with your phone or socializing with co-workers without paying attention.

In my opinion, absent of delivering food, asking if people want refills, or addressing an obvious problem, you really shouldn't be interrupting people. The end result is good service without being annoying.

>> "When is the appropriate time to intervene to ask if everything is ok?"

When the meal is finished. If there's a real problem all it takes is for me to catch the eye of one of the many weight staff walking around and raise my hand and they'll come over.

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