I agree that it's necessary to often look at society with a critical eye if you want to improve it. I think no small part of a lot of the heat in these discussions is that people
do care about making things better.
> This doesn't make them mean or bullies. The problem is that any time ... behavior is pointed out people tend to get angry, and they want to lash out at person who criticized their behavior instead of reflecting on the merits of the accusation.
I elided the behavior qualifiers because I think you're getting at a deeper point that works in general. (Please correct me if this is unfair.) The way the criticism is presented is important. There's an effective difference in listing faults, presenting evidence, or making accusations that put people on the defensive (and they're no longer listening to you), and figuring out ways to take into account human psychology in ways that are more likely to make a change. As you said, "people tend to get angry, and they want to lash out ... instead of reflecting." Engaging people in a way that encourages that reflection rather than the anger is hopefully going to be more productive.
This can be increasingly difficult when tensions are high. And that's usually when it's even more important. And sometimes I feel like this is a slower path, but then if the alternative isn't likely to make a change at all--or make it worse--, slower seems like a better alternative.
This comment is in part me working through my thoughts. The fact that it's attached to your comment is because it prompted me to think more about this, so thank you!
To the general reader, in the hopes of better communication, if you'd like to down vote this comment, will you also take the time to add a brief reply? I appreciate it.