Comment by f0rfun | Hacker News Reader

Comment by f0rfun | Hacker News Reader

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I struggle with this. Often, I find myself asking why should the primary purpose of my life be providing for the lives of others? I should spend my life living for myself to the fullest and in so doing, hopefully it enables me to provide for my family and if not, at least I have little regrets.

Of course, if I choose to have kids, then this course would alter. I would have to shoulder the responsibility of being my kids' sole provider til they are able to fend for themselves. If I'm married and have taken the vow, then I would abide by my spouse til death do us part. I would also without a doubt, see my aged old parents whom did not managed to save for retirement well into their golden years.

All that above is only when I have made the conscious effort to start a family. Otherwise, providing for one's family cannot be the motivator for starting a firm and letting all else - things pertaining to my self-interests and ambitions take a back seat don't seem logical to me at all.

I know reality is crushing. I also know I have the power to think and to change things. I will not succumb.

The evidence from postiive psychology is clear that pursuing a goal greater than yourself (that is, trying to help others) is associated with higher levels of happiness and fulfillment, so it's sensible to follow that path even if you are purely selfish: https://80000hours.org/career-guide/job-satisfaction

I guess everybody is different. Having anybody depend on me makes me feel depressed. The only thing that truly makes me happy is working on my own projects. Anything that seriously distracts me from doing this is my enemy. I'm ok with spending a small percentage of my time with family but more than that and I will probably fall into deep a depression followed by a really angry backlash from me. Which is why I will probably never have a family. I don't think I can dedicate them the time they deserve.

To this I say, we simply love ourselves more than we love others and you don't have to beat yourself up on that.

Somewhere, there's someone that loves you enough to accept you for this. ;) Everyone needs family, even Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent.

You could try finding a partner that feels the same, someone that also values their free time and persona space. You may find their support actually helps you focus even more.

Found that person. We can both be working on our own things in the same room, no problems. And spending time with her keeps me more on task and less distracted by all the shiny things on the internet.

You're certainly not alone in this regard.

You are being very rational and there is little to flaw without argument in that context.

Unfortunately (or maybe not), the world (and the organic chemistry that you are made of) is not a collection of rational entities. It is extremely hard to stay rational in that context. Good luck with trying to do that. (meant non-sarcastically)

If you are independent, then you have a family of one to provide for. That seems simple enough.

Family != Self. It's akin to saying I can be my own spouse or my own kid. Is the Christian tripartite, God being the father, son and holy spirit a simple enough idea to you or any layman? Can God be God and also be man at the same time? I can be independent enough and but may still have family depending on me. You may want to define 'independent', surely it's not simple enough yet.

Can we not whimsically redefine words that are already well-defined or at least explicitly state how you want to use it if you're going to make a generic statement with it else stick to it's common meaning.

I see where you're coming from, but I don't think my definitions are whimsical. Perhaps different is all.

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