Sorry you've been dealing with depression. From experience I know that's a tough thing to grapple with.

Being compelled to maintain sustained cognitive dissonance is a form of low-grade chronic stress, and unfortunately depression is often a side-effect of chronic stress.

I'm always weary of places that are more interested in building a cult than a company for precisely these kinds of reasons.

Get well, mate.

A lot of us have been there. Hell, I'm there now, but in a far more mild way than I have been in the past, luckily for me. It got so bad at one point a few years ago that I wound up taking four whole months of medical leave due to severe depression and panic attacks, so I know how bad it can be, and you have my sympathy. If you think it would help, you might look into doing the same.

I know it can be super hard to motivate yourself to take the necessary steps when you're depressed, but hopefully the thought of some relief is enough of a motivator, if only barely. The first step is to see a psychiatrist if you haven't already.

If you need/want someone (not a mental health professional) to talk to, my e-mail address is in my profile. Either way, I hope things get better for you soon :)