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Comment by sitharus | Hacker News Reader

As a non-American who's interacted a lot with Americans I'm still confused about small talk with people serving you.

Why would a barista (/waitress/waiter/any other serving staff) be interested in you? They serve hundreds of people a day and are most interested in taking your order as fast as possible. They have other people to serve, taking up not only the time of the barista but also the time of those other people is just rude.

The best way to treat someone as a human is acknowledging their task and being polite.

Funny thing is I've observed more Americans being downright rude to people than others, but that's probably the people I've met more than a general thing.

Of course it's completely different if you interact with people for more than 5 minutes.

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> Why would a barista (/waitress/waiter/any other serving staff) be interested in you? They serve hundreds of people a day and are most interested in taking your order as fast as possible.

You sound like someone who's never worked one of these jobs.

Because if you'd had, you'd know very well that being friendly and chatting with the customers is the best part of the job, the only part that's actually interesting, and what gets you through your day. Why wouldn't they be interested in you?! The best customers are the ones who feel like friends, even if you never see them again. They're fun! The worst customers are the ones who, as you say, "acknowledge your task" and otherwise treat you like a serving robot.

Sure, if you're pulling coffees in morning rush hour, or serving drinks on a Friday night at 9pm, then it's rude to hold up the line of course. But except for peak hours, you're not taking up anyone's time -- to the contrary, you're making their time worthwhile, and as long as you're being genuine then it's roundly appreciated.

On the contrary, you sound like someone who's only worked these jobs in countries that expect small talk.

It's all about what you expect. The US culture values small talk and makes affordances for that. Other cultures do not.

Neither is right or wrong here. Neither is better. They are just different.

Of course. Since we're talking about making small talk in the US, I was giving the server perspective in the US. :)

Because they are human beings and not automatons. If you've ever done a service industry job you would know that there's a certain monotony to it and its also pretty demanding and a little engagement on both parts actually helps sucky days suck just a little less.

I don't understand your comment, are you saying that Americans are the rudest people? It's a pretty big place where all have you been?

Perhaps if you don't understand the concept of smalltalk you might also not be versed enough in the culture to actually judge what constitutes being rude vs polite behavior.

They're human beings with a job to do. Part of this is engaging with you, but different cultures treat the boundaries differently. In the US this involves small talk and as it makes people happy I do it in situations where it is normal. Other countries think differently, it's cultural so there's no right or wrong here. Engaging someone with small talk where it's not expected is felt as rude as not doing it where it is, if that makes sense.

As for the other point. I've seen Americans being polite, but I've also seen them belittling staff, shouting and being generally rude. I've also seen this from non-americans, but far less frequently. I assume this is selection bias (the American tourist syndrome - you only notice the loud obnoxious ones). This is across multiple countries.

It all depends on your intent. And there's an infinite amount of nuance in these situations. Of course, you shouldn't aggressively hit on every person you interact with but chatting strangers up? Absolutely.

The beauty of life is randomness and spontaneity; meeting new interesting people. But you have to be desireless, and non-intimidating without any agenda. Not consumed with the thought of capitalizing on the relationship somehow, be it sex or business networking.

I strongly disagree with the sentiment expressed in your comment and to me, it is slightly depressing. I suppose part of your logic is due to brash American guys hitting on every girl, but putting that aside, I do not want to live in a world where every interaction is clinical, and devoid of depth, of magic, and optimized for the efficiency of the economic transaction.

I want presence. I want more interconnectiveness; discovery and mystery; laughter and love. In all areas of life, in every moment possible.

> Why would a barista (/waitress/waiter/any other serving staff) be interested in you?

This is part of it for me. It seems so arrogant and intrusive. Asking for a food recommendation (or whatever) at the place you're at, fine. Even asking a local for other suggestions in the area (restaurant, club, sights, etc.) is okay if you keep it simple. Asking where they're from and why they're there? None of your business.

You can be polite, even friendly, without all the questions and blah blah blah.

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