Comment by ardit33 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by ardit33 | Hacker News Reader

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It might sound awful, but this is one of the reasons I avoid dating 28+ girls (I am 29 myself). 1. Too much pressure. (even if it is not explicit, given her standing, it is implicit) 2. I don't know if she likes me for me, or just because her clock is ticking.

On the flip side, girls it have really really easy on their early 20s. That might create an "suply is infinite" kind of thinking in girls, and maybe perhaps even a degree of narcisism sets in (I am demanded, I deserver x, and y, and of course z qualities on a bf/ideal partner). Some girls just fail to realise that past 26 (maybe 28 for asian girls), looks tend to fade. (fertility peak is 22).

So, absent a family presure, it is easy to get comfortable thinking this attention they get is normal, and will last for a long time.

Hence, they hit their late 20s/early 30s with extremely high expectations, yet their perceived value has diminished with time (at least looks wise).

Many girls realize this, and end up being in "settling mode", which honestly, if you are a guy sucks. She will not love you for what you really are.

To be honest if I had a daughter, my advice would be find a good one between 25-28. That's where your should be wise enough to know what you want, but still have time to change your mind if you feel it is not the right thing.

I don't think your comment sounds awful, but in my opinion you are giving too much importance to age and looks.

I am 28 myself and when dating I am not trying to evaluate whether she already passed her prime time or if she still has a couple of good years cause she is Asian. Unless you are a teenager or in the early twenties, we are all going downhill. Shouldn't we try to find a partner who we like and share interests with, regardless of age (obviously, there are some boundaries).

It seems you don't want a girl to 'settle' with you, but there's a ton of reasons to do so independently of her age. Maybe she wants you only for your money, or your looks...

I think the OP's main point was that when you date a woman in her 30s, there's a lot of pressure to get married and have babies ASAP. Because while it's certainly possible for a woman to become pregnant in their 30s, the chances pretty much go into a freefall during that decade. So even though as a man, you stand a higher chance with women in that age range, you'll always have this lingering doubt of whether she's with you because she wants you or if she's with you because she's running out of time.

You're right though that there are plenty of other reasons a woman could be interested in you, but I think you might be underestimating just how loud that biological clock is ticking in a woman's brain when she hits 30.

Perspective changes as you get older. Besides, women live longer than men, and reach their prime later. There are a lot of reasons it makes sense for a female to date a male who is slightly younger than him.

So. . . I daresay that the comment does sound pretty awful. Awful is probably the wrong word. Delusional, megalomaniac, may be better words. Anybody who doesn't have a bell curve around the ages of people they're willing to date (yes, with his/her own age in the middle) is probably missing a few logic gates.

Given the gendercide and such, it's pretty certain that the world will never have shortage of creepy old men.

So. . . I daresay that the comment does sound pretty awful. Awful is probably the wrong word. Delusional, megalomaniac, may be better words. Anybody who doesn't have a bell curve around the ages of people they're willing to date (yes, with his/her own age in the middle) is probably missing a few logic gates.

I think that's a bit judgemental. It's okay for people to have preferences regarding who they date. If one of these preferences is for younger women, well, that's up to them. There are girls out there with preferences for richer men or taller men and we don't go around accusing them of "missing a few logic gates".

As an example, suppose you're an older guy (~45 yo) looking to get married and have kids. Your preferences are obviously going to tend towards younger women because you'll have a better chance of conceiving and healthier kids. This doesn't imply that you're crazy, or creepy. It simply implies that you have particular life plans and have a preference for getting together with someone who is compatible with these.

The desire to systematize every aspect of life is why you're still just dating.

I'm really not sure why you're using "just dating" pejoratively. The GP might feel no desire to settle down or might enjoy repeating the initial rush through serial monogamy.

Alternatively, he may be open to the prospect of marriage but not be sufficiently dedicated to it to be marrying someone who feels that they're just settling for him.

This made me think in a way I never thought before. Thanks.

The grandparent isn't exactly old, and he is right.

How about the case for older women? http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an...

That only works if you want to have kids immediately, or want to never have kids. If, like me, you're a guy who wants to have kids in 5-10 years, late-30s women are just out of the running, no matter what great qualities they may have otherwise. Due to biology, the marriageable age range for women doesn't really change as a guy gets older, unless he's done having kids or doesn't want them.

Your comment reminded me of Ben Franklin's case for older women. http://www.swarthmore.edu/SocSci/bdorsey1/41docs/51-fra.html

you're lucky if you only find 28+ girls who are dying to get married. Almost every girl I meet above 23 is looking to get hitched. Around 25 they learn to pretend they don't want it but they keep pushing things in that direction.

By the same logic, no woman should ever come near you since she can't know if you like her for her or because you are driven by the genetic imperative to spread your semen around.

No, the GP's point is very specifically that the biological imperative is time constrained for a woman whilst it isn't for a man.

How is that relevant? I won't date a woman older than X because her clock is ticking and it might mean she doesn't like me for my sparkling personality. It is identically silly to 'I won't date any man because he might only be trying to get into my pants'. If you don't like dating women your age or older, more power to you. But rationalizing it away by some sort of ersatz pop-logic and sweeping generalization (is every 30-year-old woman a fading flower hell-bent on reproduction?) is disingenuous.

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