Hacker News Reader

Comment by jglauche | Hacker News Reader

I'd never get anything done. The feeling is quite hard to explain to cis people. But I'll try anyway. So you're trapped in a life that you don't want to live in. You've been trapped in there for too long. When you finally step out, you need to fight your outside world. But despite doing the right things and hurting nobody in the process, some of the outside world fights against you. You hate it. You feel patronized every time that happens. You're not the free person anymore that you used to be.

[This might be possible to deal with for some other trans people. Some have both boy and girl mode where they switch. My mind is not up to that because one side of it is a lie]

View on HN

I suppose what I'm imagining is that you would treat it as a legacy identifier for legal purposes, and you'd only ever have to use it very infrequently for the benefit of bureaucrats. Like, that's just the string on your birth certificate, it doesn't define you as a person any more than your [relevant governmental ID number].

That said, I can certainly see how that could still be unpleasant, but to me, it sounds like the process you're going through at the moment is far more disruptive and unpleasant?

First of all, it's not that infrequently, if you add checking your bank account. That's one thing you do way more often if you are (self-)employed.

Problem is, seeing my old name might, if I'm in a very good mood not do anything, or if I'm in a not so good mood dig up/trigger my emotional trauma that sits deep inside of me. You couldn't understand how it feels like, assuming you're a cis person.

Trying to reason with logic does not work, this is an emotional issue. And it won't go away until I have eliminated the source of this problem. In addition, taking female hormones do make emotional issues more... intense.

Maybe you could write a browser extension that replaces your old name with your new name? I understand it would not fix the problem, but maybe make it a little bit easier. Also have you consider moving to a country that is more trans friendly?

Moving country is difficult. First, I'd need to change nationality, which is neither easy nor fast.

Then I have to see that I get my treatment continued in the other country. Hormones I'm getting paid, hair epilation I'm getting paid to half and my operation I'll get paid in Germany. But going to another country means I need to figure out how stuff goes, possibly get another therapist who knows about the process in that country, get the letters that I have either translated into their language or get new ones... it's not like there's any country that doesn't have a piece of doubt to any trans person unless you have lots of money and be able to pay it all yourself.

My legal address is at my parents house. I had lived in 7 different houses since I lived there. Don't let a burocrat decide who you are or where you live! You are who you are.

I'm cisgendered so I don't know what it's like for you. But I hear that you are saying this is difficult, and despite it being difficult for me to imagine, one thing I and others can do is take you at your word, as a person living your own life, and adult who is trying your best to be who you are.

It sounds like it must be constantly exhausting, mentally speaking. Like trying to get along in a country where you don't speak the language well and are struggling to learn it, when people tell you, "hey just learn to talk". Except the language is your body, your identity. But I'm just guessing, I don't know. In any case, I'm sorry things are difficult, and I hope you find success.

Thank you for the insight, as a man I don't quite understand viscerally the struggles that trans folks face but I want to, and to help where I can. Even if that's just being a good listener and sounding board.

(By calling myself a man I mean no disrespect, that's who and what I am)

Is it the name change itself that's the source of the bureaucratic difficulty? Or is it the sex assignment M to F and F to M change what's instigating the problem?

Name change and gender assignment change is basically one thing in Germany after parts of the law got nullified. They required you to get sterilized before you could do the gender assignment change, before 2011.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com