This essay actually betrays a vulnerability; it reveals a Heiligenstadt Testament-like calling. I, for one, am impressed.
There's an old legend where I live, in the Czech Republic, of a fire bird. The hero sees the bird and his horse tells him, "If we turn around right now, you'll have a nice life, a quiet, happy life... but if you capture that bird, you'll cry and you'll suffer, and your life will be an amazing adventure." The horse begs him to chose the former, but of course, the hero's journey is the latter.
A lot of artists, however, try to explore and express something about the human experience. That kind of creativity demands vulnerability, because you have to be sensitive and introspective enough to be able to channel that emotion into some kind of medium.