Comment by abraca | Hacker News Reader

Comment by abraca | Hacker News Reader

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I have the opposite problem to most people, of having too many friends. And the number is ever-growing. Wherever I go - job, hobby, school - I pick up more friends. It's wonderful in that I am never lonely and I feel very loved. It is difficult though too because I sometimes feel overwhelmed and that I am not able to be a good friend myself. I have so many invitations, emails, texts etc that I can't keep up. I adore the majority of my friends - but it is quite difficult to extricate myself from a few friendships I have that are draining.

I've been thinking recently about why I am this way...and I believe it is down to 1) listening carefully to what people have to say, 2) being happy and calm, it is just my nature, I am quiet but I am always looking for something to laugh about. I like to crack little jokes and I appreciate humor in every situation, 3) being un-judgmental and kind.

Anyway i'm not sure what my point really is, except that you CAN make friends as you get older! It is not all doom and gloom :)

With the only exception that all those people are not friends per se. They are just people you know in person.

I tend to say: "People with many friends do not have friends". I'm sure it's not a fact, but more like a rule of thumb, based on my personal observation.

My wife has a talent of building connections and enlarging the network. She attracts people like a magnet and I was always fascinated about that. I once asked her: "You know all those people, but is there the one you could truly call a friend?". In a second, she realized what I was asking about and said: "No, I don't have friends..."

I'm glad you wrote this. I feel similarly myself, although it sounds like the making of friends comes more naturally to you. I have a surplus of friends that I know could become much closer friends if I was able to dedicate more time to those relationships, but the truth is that I already have a lot of excellent close friends.

It's absolutely lovely but exhausting. I too feel overwhelmed by texts, invites and the like and am trying to figure out how to handle this without compromising myself too much (life is tough right now and I feel like I need an increasing amount of time on my own right now). Honesty about it is the approach I've been taking - I try to be the best friend I can to all of those closest to me, but bear in mind that I am also the most important friend I have.

FWIW, I'm exactly with you on your points 1, 2 (replace calm with excitable sometimes though!) and 3.

I'm not sure how relevant this is, but I'm one of the most open, positive and optimistic people I know and I just want everyone to enjoy life and being alive as much as I do. Perhaps people like that.

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