Comment by nether | Hacker News Reader

Comment by nether | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

As a conventionally unattractive guy (short, non-white), Tinder has been abysmal for me. Match rate of 2/500 swipes, back when the auto-swipe apps worked. And then most of the most matches were horrifically unattractive. OkCupid produced vastly higher quality matches for me, probably because the profile text and questions let me expand on my personality more. I used the same photos on both profiles. Tinder seems only useful for conventionally attractive men. I have never gotten a Tinder match who was remotely more attractive than me, but I had plenty on OkCupid and a few on Bumble.

Also, regarding the shirtless selfie. It's highly effective for men who have muscles: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile.... This is in line with the old male chestnut "what women say they want is not what they want," women strongly side toward only vocalizing preferences that reflect well upon them.

You're not alone. This short non-white guy has also found Tinder abysmal and self-esteem thrashing, with only a couple matches after hundreds upon hundreds of swipes. (Unlike your comment, I won't dismiss those matches as unattractive, which would be unfair, but the fact that the very few matches I have gotten have been the same color as me suggests to a paranoid mind more than just coincidence regarding all the other rejections...).

Like you, I've had much better luck with OkCupid, which makes it distressing that the online dating population in general seems to be shifting from OkCupid type sites to Tinder type ones.

> with only a couple matches after hundreds upon hundreds of swipes.

This isn't you being ugly, this is you misapprehending the math. a couple matches after hundreds of swipes is regular average successful male mating behavior.

Hmm, OKCupid seemed to have a much higher reply rate---something like 30-50%. (But haven't used for three years, since I'm not single anymore.)

2% response rate on advertising is considered good.

I feel like the message about sexy abs in this ok cupid post is more in line with the old saying "if you've got it, flaunt it." They even say, "We would never suggest to a Fitzgerald or a Dave Eggers to limit his profile to 100 words, and so why should guys with great bodies keep their best asset under wraps?"

Having a six-pack reflects a certain kind of lifestyle and certain values. Being witty in a profile or conversation or showing pictures of you engaging in things that are meaningful to you convey a different set of values. I don't know your experience, but I do believe that showing your personality via any dating app delivers better results.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com