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Comment by zackattack | Hacker News Reader

Staying together just for the kids is a win-lose situation that will decrease your happiness and consequently the kids' as well.

(I don't know anything about the author's particular situation.)

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Is this marriage/kids advice coming from the same guy that wrote a blog post comparing picking up freelancing gigs to picking up chicks?

Yeah, it's advice from the "kids'" perspective, not the parents'. Don't be so presumptuous.

What you allude to in your first statement is incorrect for most cases, IMO. Staying together doesn't necessarily mean letting it decrease your happiness. It might just mean you have to get your happiness from a different place.

Often in life you're not presented with win-lose situations. Instead, you're presented with lose-lose situations, and it's your job to choose the least worst solution for everyone involved.

I reject the idea that you should settle in parts of your life and gain happiness elsewhere. Personal preference and standards.

I used to feel this way, but as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that there are a large number of things in life that are completely outside of my control. Accepting that doesn't mean "settling", it means that I've realized that I can't control those situations, but I can control my reaction and how it affects me. Marriage may or may not fall into that category for some people, but generally the behavior of others, health issues, macroeconomic events, etc. are things we can't control and must learn to live with.

Also, the idea that we have to be happy all the time is a particularly American conceit. It can be very rewarding to a point, but there's a thin line between that and narcissism that can make it impossible to form deep relationships. In an ideal marriage, for instance, each supports the others' ambitions, but there obviously has to be some give and take.

I completely agree, but getting divorced is something in your control. The weather is something you can control. Your health is something you can control, to an extent.

I don't know why this was downvoted. I don't agree with the post completely but I don't find it snarky or anything.

To the post itself: It's a bit more complex than that. If the kids mean a lot to you then splitting up means seeing them less, making the "trade" times stressful for everyone, etc. It's a trade off like many things in life.

But I do agree that there are times that staying can be more damaging than leaving.

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