If you hire me your company will make so much money, it's incredible. You're growth/conversion rates will be so high.
I'm the strongest at conversion rates. A/B tests, multivariate testing. I've run profitable ad campaigns on five continents. I self-funded those campaigns. I built a beautiful performance marketing business.
I win. It's what I do. Hire me and you'll win too.
I'm a developer. I build things. I ship, it's what I do. I live this business. I code in my dreams. These other guys are hacks, don't hire them.
Your company doesn't ship anymore. It doesn't convert. It doesn't grow like it used to. I'm going to change that. You're going to ship so much, you won't even believe it.
Location: NYC/CT
Remote: I work from here: http://willholloway.net/assets/house.jpg
Everything about me says success.
Willing to relocate: Your company will relocate to me.
Technologies I would be the best at: Python, Go, Mongo, SQL, Vagrant, Fabric, Linux, PPC campaigns, media buys, social.
Résumé/CV: I'm so good I never made one. I've never been unemployed.
Email: will@willholloway.net
I'm #1 in the comments in this thread, and I only posted it five minutes ago. My HN karma rate is so high, it's unbelievable.
You want to do a deal you call me, 860-908-1121. I'm brilliant, easy to work with and tenacious.
PS. This is the end of the republic.