Comment by neilgrey | Hacker News Reader

Comment by neilgrey | Hacker News Reader

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I wonder how many people will read this article, have a lightbulb go off in their head, feel warm and fuzzy about it all, then wake up tomorrow and do absolutely nothing about it. Probably most.

This article is unfortunately what it epitimizes the most -- a self-help conundrum. Advice given from the perspective of a workaholic. But alas, what tools does it actually provide to take action? Walk away from everything? Should I take up meditation or yoga? Relax by putting and put my mind at ease by playing a videogame or laying on the beach?

What most people won't see is the key line of advice burried in the middle, which I believe the rest of the article counters is: "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen". Putting in our best efforts is what opens doors to adventures and opportunities. Putting in our best efforts is what drives us forward to find passion in what we do.

Sure, we all need to realize that we're not robots with unlimited capacity, but the next step is to stop reading self-articles and start doing things that actually matter, instead of filling our time with arbitrary tasks.

Want to not "fall behind in life"? Don't be a lemming by following other people around trying to find meaning and value in your life. Make meaning and value in your life by being creative, self-reflective, and getting outside your horse-blinders by actively trying to experience life in other people's shoes.

Falling behind in life is a synonym for running the hampster wheel. Get off the damn wheel and do something that scares you even just a little bit today. Then do it again tomorrow.

> "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen"

A friend once shared how surfing illustrates how having a process driven approach vs. a result driven approach is beneficial.

In surfing you start off knowing the basics of how to get on the water, standing up on the board, and riding the wave. You may know the basics, but until you actually go out in the water, you're not going to know about what will happen. The waves may not be the right size to your liking. You could be having an off day and keep falling. Or you may be having a great day on the water. All of this are factors to you actually enjoying surfing.

Instead of focusing on trying to catch a good wave or catching many waves, you can focus on the process that is surfing. This way you can make incremental improvements to how you surf. You'll then see each wave as a new opportunity to gather more experience/data for the next time you try. And you can replace "surfing" with entrepreneurship, science, and many other areas.

With this mindset, you'll be able to let whatever happens to happen. Life is too short to always be chasing after the end goal. From my experience, after you attain the goal, you'll always have another goal in mind. You will never be truly satisfied.

This is similar to rock climbing and skiing. The commonality that I see is that they all require taking what comes at you, a random natural environment, and handling it as well as you can. They require an outward focus and quick adaptability to varying conditions, which is not so much the case for other sports like road cycling, running, and anything on an artificial surface.

Too bad I'd much rather be skiing than doing any of the very real work I need to be doing.

Life is a journey, not a destination.

Well summarized

There's even a poster.

http://www.myspiritgarden.com/Cotton-Scroll-The-journey-is-t...

There's even a video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4

There's even a video game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKqeD7ojynw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAmum-Yl9Sw

This is exactly it. Goals will point you in the right direction, but the joy is in the pursuit.

I feel as though you missed the point of the article by advocating for people to make meaning and purpose in their lives by doing something that scares them. I think this type of thinking gives way to the mentality that leads to the problems described in the article.

It is not about working hard to make meaning or to 'fix' things that are broken or that you are not happy about but rather to 'let go'. To let go to the fact that you cannot control everything and that you cannot always have it your way. Yes do your best and do what you need to do in life but you must acknowledge at some point that things are generally out of your hands. Once a person realises this, then the pressure of not succeeding or reaching their goals, is lifted and a more realistic perspective on life starts to form. One rooted in reason, realism and the fact that we are all human and that sometimes even if we can do better, it may just not be the time, that other things are in play that keep us from reaching these goals and that it is entirely not the case that the person is not trying hard enough.

I feel as though you picked a single statement out of my comment and took it out of context.

The whole concept of running the hamster wheel in the first place is flawed; who are you "falling behind" if not comparing yourself to other people.

The article wants us to "take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will". What I'm saying is don't put yourself in that situation in the first place. Take joy and find meaning in the day-to-day of what you're doing, instead of setting the expectation that you're supposed to be "better than anyone else", at anything, really.

joslin01 said it pretty well in another comment: "It's best to be honest with yourself and come to terms with where you are in life and where you want to be. After that, unless you put action into your belief, you will be sad. Even if you fail, but put action into the belief, you'll be happy and have grown."

So, I implore you, what is something you're actually going to do with this self-help article's new-found insight that you "can't control everything" and need to "just chill"? Will it bring you more happiness knowing that anytime you're running yourself ragged you can "step back" and reassure yourself that you're "just human"?

It's not so much a self-help article as it is a you-can't-help-it article. It's about recognizing that sometimes there isn't anything you can do and that there is no need to feel pressure. In lieu of that, you just relax and let these moments pass. For some people, that realization can bring happiness.

If your work is winding you up to the point of causing severe anxiety, then maybe you should be looking at why you're there in the first place...

I don't know if you've read much self-help, but there's a lot of "you-can't-help-it" contained within. "Letting the moment pass" is a micro-solution to an entire-life size problem.

Speaking as someone who experiences some of the same emotions described in the article, it's far more effective to reduce stress and anxiety by removing non-essential tasks from your list than it is to "just chill". People don't need to "step back every once in a while", they need to learn how to say no.

What I took from it is to take it easy, sit back, and relax. To stop worrying about not making more money, about that book you haven't read, that workout routine you skipped, that udacity course you haven't completed, or that book you haven't started writing. Don't be too hard on yourself.

+1. Just bought a racing bike for a 250km cycling marathon through the Alps in June. A bit scared, but so stoked for it.

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