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Comment by y04nn | Hacker News Reader

I feel like she is lacking self confidence, personality. Is she living in a fantasy world where everybody is kind? I was not here, so I don't want to juge, but she has only been asked to sit on ones lap, she could have strongly refuse and asked why she would do that in the first place. She should have shown strong signs of rejection, express the fact that is make her uncomfortable and asked him to stop. If he does not stop, them it is appropriate to report the behavior. But I don't call this has "sexual harassment", but more has sexual interest.

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"she has only been asked to sit on ones lap"

In civil society, the expected standard is not that everyone is socially and martially capable and with a razor sharp wit. Unexpected things like these generally make people flustered and confused. If a person has not faced a situation like this before, it can be very hard to come by with a proper response.

The situation is similar to being mugged, or tricked out of money. In general, the common fraud techniques work because people are not overly concerned becoming conned, and the approaches are such they work the first time because they play on the automatic responses peoples have to a situation.

Only after the fact becoming mugged people generally go through a behavioural analysis of how to recognize bad situations and how to get away from them.

In a sexual harassment situation, the initial slow response may be interpreted as a positive sign (and may erode the confidence of the assaulted party).

Yes, she may have not been confronted to such situation. She was new to grown up world. But such things happen generally during your education. And he may have misinterpreted her behavior.

Not an expert on the issue but I imagine if the approached party feels sullied it's a strong case of sexual harassment.

I'm not familiar with sexual predators but I presume the day-day activities are the same as any bullies that succeed in long careers - the offending behavior is subtle and low key, but continuous.

Ah, good old victim-shaming!

What!? First, it is highly inappropriate for anyone in any leadership or management position to ask anyone to sit on there lap, no matter what their relationship status.

Secondly, making any kind of sexual proposition or advance in the office on someone you are not in a relationship with is sexual harassment.

If you are in a relationship, it's inappropriate and a conflict of interest.

> making any kind of sexual proposition or advance in the office on someone you are not in a relationship with is sexual harassment.

Apparently around 20% of marriages begin with this kind of sexual harassment.

I wouldn't limit that to just people in any leadership or management position, that's just a aggravating circumstance.

> Secondly, making any kind of sexual proposition or advance in the office on someone you are not in a relationship with is sexual harassment

Actually, I believe it's not. Only if the proposition is unwelcome it is unlawful.

So if this guy hasn't been fired, it's likely that the investigation concluded it wasn't a case of sexual harassment.

You feel like she is lacking self confidence??? That is just about the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. Her manager (aka 'someone with a disproportionate amount of control over her career') asked her to sit on his lap, talked about how 'everyone' has an Asian fetish at some point, and asked her out for dinner alone. She tolerated it up to a point and then went to HR. How in any possible sense of the term can that indicate a lack of self confidence?? And why the hell are you blaming her and not the asshole who put her in that situation???

I'm trying to understand the behavior of the manager, there must be a rational explanation. He knew what it can lead him to. So for me, it may be that he was sexually attracted to her and she may not have shown enough rejection signs (cultural bias between the 2?). Also I may point that for me the only person in charge for my carrer is me, whatever is my position.

"it may be that he was sexually attracted to her and she may not have shown enough rejection signs"

The problem is that the onus should not be on her to show rejection signs.

'I'm sorry for mugging you, I thought you were just giving me that $50 - you didn't show enough rejection signs'

There is no rational explanation for the manager's behaviour. No manager should ever flirt with any direct reports. Ever. There is no way to rationalize the manager's actions. He acted terribly, but was given the opportunity to apologize and took it.

Another rational explanation is that people get comfortable with and forget what their position of power has over people.

That lack of awareness doesn't excuse it.

Again I don't want put any judgement, but maybe the lap thing was only a bad joke, it all depends on how it is asked. And maybe there was a misunderstanding between the 2, she could have taking thing too seriously while the manager was trying to lighten the mood.

The only misunderstanding was that one person thought it was ok to harass/make unwanted sexual jokes to a subordinate.

In case of abuse, it's never the victim's fault for having "misunderstood" the situation. The person in a position of power bears all of the responsibility and is the person who should have known better.

Stop blaming the victim.

Victim blaming.

No, I think she is a victim, but we are looking to the wrong culprit. She is a victim of her bad education that makes her feel like a victime more that someone with charisma and personality that could have easily respond. That is a big problem with women education.

> She is a victim of her bad education

No, she is the victim of a manager abusing his position of power in order to sexually harass her. Her education doesn't get into play here.

You seem like a bad person.

This comment right here (thankfully, its been downvoted) is a good example of what the problem is and the environment that women face in the workplace

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