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>It’s impossible to know, especially since they don’t know either! If you confront them on their sexism, they will deny all of it, and truly believe it. It takes a lot of introspection to see one’s internalized stereotypes.

My entire problem with this isn't that I deny I have such stereotypes (as I know I have them), but that the people who call others out on this will seem to be the group most likely to deny having their own.

I am also racist and sexist although I'd imagine that no one realizes it.

I work hard to take individuals as I find them and not prejudge. I think the best thing to do is try to minimize the effect of your biases on your actions and keep working to eliminate them. Not sure what else one could do.

My co worker accuses other people of being "tone deaf" and then makes dick jokes. I have about a million examples of this. Of course, some of those stories are about me. :P

People are too unwilling to admit and learn from their own mistakes.

> "tone deaf" and then makes dick jokes

What does "tone deaf" mean in this context? And what's wrong with dick-jokes?

EDIT: I've poorly worded my question/point: I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with dick jokes in the workplace, but context is key. It's probably best to side on safe in that regard

I still would like to know what "tone deaf" means as I'm not understanding that term

I guess "tone deaf" is when someone doesn't understand what your tone of voice is and what that tone implies. Like if you say something sarcastic, your voice tone and body language conveys it.

Do you really think it's okay to make dick jokes in the workplace?

My female Australian boss says "dumb cunts" roughly 5x a day in reference to some 22 year old marketing "woo"-girls down the hall. I just made a comment about how my balls hang down my left pant leg. In my prior job, I'd never even bring up politics. It's almost as if people and environments are different.

It would seem more abnormal if you knew an Australian that didn't use the word cunt liberally.

I'd be more irked by the comment she made about your balls hanging down your pant leg. Sounds like sexual harassment to me, if it were me wouldn't let a boss speak to me in that fashion- male or female.

I made that comment. If it were sexual harassment, I'd treat it as sexual harassment. It's a joke, so I treat it as a joke.

I am truly sorry, I misread your post.

What about the concept of a penis is offensive exactly? No one has ever been able to give me a reason that doesn't devolve into a repetition of "you just don't talk about that" and I'm not prepared to care about that.

I generally agree, but consider that talking about a dick is not just about anatomy. If you call someone a dick, it means he's an overly aggressive asshole. If you call someone a pussy, it means he's weak. If you joke about the size of someone's dick, it means he's insecure. Etc.

THIS. There is nothing wrong with dick jokes. The only sexist thing about them is the imbalance: We need more vulva jokes too :)

Yes, although I do work in a uniquely sex-positive environment. I do believe that it heavily depends on the workplace. Some workplaces it is absolutely not OK. I'm a personality type that would rather work in an "unprofessional" environment, so I seek those out, while understanding that they may not be for everybody.

Did you mean to imply that people who like to keep their sexuality personal are not sex positive?

I'm pretty open about things, but I'm also open to the idea that people don't always appreciate sharing.

I concede I didn't really make my point clear due to poor wording. What I mean is: I don't think dick-jokes are inherently wrong for the workplace. I think context is the key. I worked at a Fortune-500 where they were absolutely not acceptable, but I tend towards places where they are acceptable.

> Did you mean to imply that people who like to keep their sexuality personal are not sex positive?

Heh, not at all. I'm a very private person when it comes to sex, but I'm also sex-positive.

Fair enough.

> I don't think dick-jokes are inherently wrong for the workplace.

It's probably about as appropriate as discussing religion or politics. It's certainly possible, but there is a lot of risk that toes will get stepped on eventually, even if nobody says they were offended.

That's why it's important to be exposed to different colors and sexes, or just people different from yourself. I have personally find myself to be much better as introspection and sympathize better with minorities once I moved to a country where I'm the minority.

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Stereotyping is impossible to avoid and even healthy. Humans survive because of stereotypes. We need summary judgments to function; this is the core of translating perception into thought. The problem is when people willfully ignore signals to look past the stereotype.

If you think that every person you meet alone on the street in any city on the planet is equally dangerous or equally safe regardless of what you observe, prior to any actual violent behavior, either one day you're going to get hurt, or you're not going to visit any dangerous places.

I know.