I really don't want to be mean, but stop trying to get a handout from people. You keep making these same damn posts every few weeks and you don't even interact with anyone who gives productive comments. You keep talking about how you want to become bla bla bla but you never ever come back with any type of result or progress, you are literally a broken infinite loop right now. I'm going to go out on a limb and make a guess that you might be under some severe depression which you should really GET HELP for. You're trying to put all your eggs on this whole development gig because maybe it'll dig you out of the hole you might be in, but that won't happen. You need to figure out your life on your own before you can really make strides on what you really want in life.