Comment by ThomPete | Hacker News Reader

Comment by ThomPete | Hacker News Reader

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As someone with children and living in NY, my wife and I are very aware of not trying to push our kids in a specific direction or to interfeer too much if they are having trouble solving something themselves.

The problem once we start coaching our kids in an early age is that we are denying them to find a lot of subtle things out on their own.

It's very easy to think you are helping your kids to learn by removing what seem like unnecessary obstacles and of course sometimes you are. But a lot of the time it's those obstacles that build some sort of character in the kids and allow them to find out things by finding out things. By being too proactive as a parent we can take a lot of motivation away from them.

Our kids have bruises all over their body because they are allowed to do things other kids aren't. Of course we watch over them and make sure they don't do completely crazy things but they are capable of much more than one might think. By allowing them to find that out they will hopefully learn that themselves too.

Raising kids isn't a science it's an art. The art of creating a canvas for them but not decide what they want to do with it.

I think this comic shows one of the big differences between our parents generation and ours (I am 41)

I am always reminded of this http://i.imgur.com/LglSapk.jpg

I grew up with parents who worked all the time and barely took part in their childrens lives. We cook dinner by ourselves a majority of the time. My 10 year old brother has to mow the lawn and do his own laundry. We get yelled at all the time like in the first column of the comics. At first I felt mad for it but now I'm realizing the benefits. I can take care of myself so well. I can cook, I keep my room clean, and I am on track to a great career that I like. Not to mention my brother and I have both solo travelled to some crazy places like Nepal, Peru, Norway.

My 21 year old friend has had his parents take a big part in his life. He has upper middle class parents who watch his every move, sign him up for SAT tutors, force him to take piano lessons. Has no clue how to cook, found freshman year comp sci too hard and switched to communications and now philosophy major, has not really gotten good at anything in life. If I majored in Philosophy my parents would probably yell at me and not help with tuition. Probably will depend on his dad's connections to get an office job.

On one hand having a nice, loving parent would be nice. I am not as socially capable as some of my other friends who had loving parents. I am not as loving or caring as them. On the other hand, my parents' harshness and indifference helped me get used to the grittiness of real life and I'm glad for it.

Exactly. There are always drawbacks no one persons background can predict the outcome of their lives which is why I believe it's an art – almost performing arts — more than a pedagogic or scientific enterprise.

What you wrote makes no logical sense. It's simply confirmation bias.

> My 21 year old friend has had his parents take a big part in his life. He has upper middle class parents who watch his every move, sign him up for SAT tutors, force him to take piano lessons. Has no clue how to cook, found freshman year comp sci too hard and switched to communications

Having parents who take a big part of your life has no bearing on whether or not you'll do well at Comp Sci 101.

> Probably will depend on his dad's connections to get an office job.

After your first job out of college, subsequent jobs are found based on your "connections." That's networking.

Also learning to cook isn't difficult. It just takes practice.

Most things just take practice especially being a human being.

The point — I think — is not that you become superman by being able to cook yourself. The point is that helicopter parents are wrong in thinking that they are doing their kids a favor by being constantly there for them.

Whatever their motives are they are not putting them in a better position in the long run. It's more an attempt to control the destiny of their childs future by controlling it for as long as they can.

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