View your brain as a super computer (which certainly is) and your personality as an operating system which you must hack to get rid of bugs and malwares. You must crack those thought patterns that make you feel miserable and recover the full control of your system, you couldn't even get up on your feet if you had lost all of your willpower.
(I am not saying that you drop medication, just that don't rely on it as the only form of healing).
To feel Ok about programming again, try to have small personal projects which are easy to complete. Find new ways to deal with boring, monotonous and complex tasks at work. Rescue an old hobbie like playing guitar or find a new one.
EDIT:
I see these small buddhist koans as very insightful from a psychological - rather than religious - point of view. Basically mind suffering can only exist if there is an ego to experience it, and if you find that this ego is just a stream of recurrent thought patterns, you realize the absurd of fear and anxiety.
Huike said to Bodhidharma, “My mind is anxious. Please pacify it.” Bodhidharma replied, “Bring me your mind, and I will pacify it.” Huike said, “Although I’ve sought it, I cannot find it.” “There,” Bodhidharma replied, “I have pacified your mind.”
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A Zen student came to Bankei and said: "Master, I have an ungovernable temper -- how can I cure it?" "Show me this temper," said Bankei, "it sounds fascinating." "I haven't got it right now," said the student, "so I can't show it to you." "Well then" said Bankei, "bring it to me when you have it." "But I can't bring it just when I happen to have it," protested the student. "It arises unexpectedly, and I would surely lose it before I got it to you." "In that case," said Bankei, "it cannot be part of your true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you -- so it must come into you from the outside.(...)"