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Comment by Retra | Hacker News Reader

I've been accused of having poor social skills, but I think that's a rude enough thing to accuse someone of that it just screams hypocrisy.

I've been told my quietness makes people uncomfortable, but telling people that they are being quiet is... supposed to achieve what? That's not a way to start a conversation, it just puts people into a defensive mode. How graceful!

I've been told I don't smile enough. I would be a poor comedian indeed if I went on stage demanding that people laugh simply because they paid for the seats like it's an obligation.

I have perfectly fine social skills. I just know what my priorities are, and I'm not willing to pretend you are one just because you'd like me to. I don't value that inconsistency.

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>I just know what my priorities are, and I'm not willing to pretend you are one just because you'd like me to.

That's what having good social skills is.

I wouldn't say you had bad basketball skills just because you have better things to do than play the game with me.

There are people who are a priority to me, and they seem to like my social skills just fine. And if someone wants that out of me, they aren't going to get there by telling me I have poor social skills or that I don't smile enough. That's burning your bridges, and not an example of someone in a position to offer criticism.

If you refused to ever play basketball, I WOULD say you have bad basketball skills. You can only have skills if you play.

I do play, just not when you want me to.

You are contradicting yourself.

If you stop playing basketball halfway through a game, and your rationale is "I do what I want, not what you guys want" you have _both_ poor basketball skills _and_ bad social skills.

I think your analogy is being taken too far and is starting to unravel.

So Michael Jordan now has bad basketball skills?

abstaining from something doesn't make someone bad at it....that's just not logical.

I've been told my quietness makes people uncomfortable

I've been accused of being rude just for politely asking to reduce the volume (imagine playing music at full volume in a car, windows closed) - most people don't have any sense of how much noise pollution they are causing. Being quiet is just not possible for them or even making less noise. In my experience it takes so much effort to make them understand that avoiding such situations is a better option.

It's easier just to not hang out with people you don't like. Then you can avoid getting accused of having poor social skills because they won't even know you.

Is not always an option, for example with certain people on your job.

If there are specific people on your job that you don't like, you do have to be professional & cordial when working with them, but you don't have to socialize with them besides that.

If you don't like anybody at your job, it's time to find a new job.

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