Also, small towns in the South offer only one place for communal gatherings, church, and I don't do church.
[1] mine, obviously ;)
I've been told my quietness makes people uncomfortable, but telling people that they are being quiet is... supposed to achieve what? That's not a way to start a conversation, it just puts people into a defensive mode. How graceful!
I've been told I don't smile enough. I would be a poor comedian indeed if I went on stage demanding that people laugh simply because they paid for the seats like it's an obligation.
I have perfectly fine social skills. I just know what my priorities are, and I'm not willing to pretend you are one just because you'd like me to. I don't value that inconsistency.
That's what having good social skills is.
There are people who are a priority to me, and they seem to like my social skills just fine. And if someone wants that out of me, they aren't going to get there by telling me I have poor social skills or that I don't smile enough. That's burning your bridges, and not an example of someone in a position to offer criticism.
If you stop playing basketball halfway through a game, and your rationale is "I do what I want, not what you guys want" you have _both_ poor basketball skills _and_ bad social skills.
abstaining from something doesn't make someone bad at it....that's just not logical.
If you don't like anybody at your job, it's time to find a new job.
I've been accused of being rude just for politely asking to reduce the volume (imagine playing music at full volume in a car, windows closed) - most people don't have any sense of how much noise pollution they are causing. Being quiet is just not possible for them or even making less noise. In my experience it takes so much effort to make them understand that avoiding such situations is a better option.
So do I. I don't mind to practice social skills but I can smell the b.s in many people and don't like the fake socialization, so I prefer to be alone (now with my dog) with a small number of real friends who have the similar concept.
Because to some degree we are all faking it, but then when does the front become reality?
It's not easy to talk about. People tend to get defensive.
Most smiles that I see seem forced, for example. And even when I'm eavesdropping. So it's not just about me ;)
But it can be learned. Decades later, I still vividly recall the video sessions at the start and end of the est 6-Day course. Most people managed to own their act.
Well, there are also concerts, bars, bbqs, community work, political gatherings, etc. Even a yard sale can be a start.
Not even football?
An actor said he had deep personality disorders, had to go through therapy for 20 years. He's still as weird, but he doesn't give a f. now. I went through this very slowly too. I knew someone who had the same kind of small epiphany.
As an overall example (unconnected with seeking out like-minded people), I'm social when I feel like being social (40% of the time) and not when I don't. For those in a similar situation, to be made to feel bad about themselves and their choices, I don't think that's necessarily helpful.