Cannot edit the text anymore. Just wanted to mention that I have a bootstrapped product that I run and ideally would love to stay closer to startup ecosystem. Of course, California is out of question again due to the excessive cost of living.
If anything was possible, would you want to live in the Bay area, find a co-founder, and grow the bootstrapped product into a company?
I say this because your comment is contradictory. You "just" wanted to mention something important to you that may be frightening. And then you doubled up trying to convince us the entire of California, which includes the expensive Bay Area and all the other inexpensive areas, is "out of the question".
I think you want to start a company, and it's frightening as it should be.
You only live once. The choice is yours.
But beware, the summers are hot, and quite long. We are in currently the middle of a 4-day 100°+ heat wave. The winters are way milder than you have seen in NJ, some frost early in the morning but no snow.
For startup ecosystem, Seattle probably has the best followed by Austin and then Portland.
For cost of living, Seattle is the most expensive. I'm not sure about Austin but Portland has been increasing the past couple years.
Just speaking as a parent, which probably makes me a minority in this conversation.