Comment by flashman | Hacker News Reader

Comment by flashman | Hacker News Reader

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I read all the comments here and only one other suggested therapy or counselling. So before you 'shake everything up', 'engage with the PUA community' or 'shave your head', go to a doctor and describe how you feel about your life. They will be able to advise you whether what you are describing is normal, or symptomatic of a mental illness.

Do not take this as a diagnosis, but you sound like you have depression. The good news is that depression is treatable, either through therapy, lifestyle changes, or medication. Many other people suffer from depression; it's a thoroughly modern illness, albeit one that still carries some stigma.

I recovered from depression over a period of about 18 months, starting from the age of 25, and I can say this much about it: you cannot expect people to start loving you until you love yourself. (Family is an exception: they already love you. Turn to them for support.) And you really need a qualified external opinion on your situation. Solving your own depression is like trying to get airborne by pulling on your shoelaces.

I'd like to take this one step less. Talk to a therapist because it's therapeutic. They might think there is an issue but as much as anything someone can listen to your problems and offer some advice without judgement. They are awesome.

I feel like I was in a similar boat to you. I was living somewhere I didn't like, doing work I didn't like, and felt like I didn't know where I was going. I decided to shake things up and move to the Bay Area and force myself to be more social. A months later, I met the woman who would be my wife before I moved and stayed around with her to try out the relationship. It worked at well. We live in the bay now and just had our 2nd child. My life and work have purpose and I am happy. It was not always easy, and it feels awful right now. Good luck, I hope you find what I have.

I respect your suggestion as therapy is an extremely important part of tackling any issue of mind. I do feel, however, treatment should be physician led, especially since there could be a physical issue that both the OP and a therapist may not pick up on. It doesn't seem likely but then again: I'm no physician.

Books, as I've recommended else where, such as Feeling Good by David Burns can also help. Of all the self-help books available, ones based in science and backed with research will help best.

I hope all comments here give you a new way forward and some hope. The best thing to help yourself is to avidly research as much as you can about mood, treatment, advice and strategies so you become your own expert of the problem you face.

Of all indicators of a successful outcome in psychiatric treatment, deep insight into the problem is a big one. After all, a problem thoroughly understood is half the problem solved.

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