Free Obfuscated Source Satire (FOSS)

The JS from https://github.com/benzweig/jankyscroll:

<script>var jankyscroll=function(){"use strict";function n(){var n=Math.round(Math.random());return 1==n?-1:1}function o(){return(5Math.random()+8)/10}return function(r,t){function i(){a&&clearTimeout(a),a=setTimeout(function(){window.scrollBy(0,to()n())},400)}r=r||400,t=t||20;var e,a,c=function(){var i=Math.floor(window.scrollY/r);e!==i&&(window.scrollBy(0,to()*n()),e=i)};window.addEventListener("scroll",c,!1),window.addEventListener("resize",i,!1)}}();jankyscroll(170,100);</script>