skinney6

I'm going thru Bernardo Kastrup's site now. Thank you.

Rad, i'll look into this "headless path". I like trying to expand the fuzzy cloud while meditating sometimes which sounds like it's along those lines.

Spira talks a lot about nondual. I'm on board. I'll check out your books. Thank you!

Great point. I have forgotten about this. There were at least 2, one heavy, one less so, periods early on of pretty profound depression. The first lasted maybe 2 or 3 days. It was a dark hole of just a profound sense of loss. I was taken back at first and questioned what I was getting into and stopped meditating for a few days but I got through it. I wish I could edit my comment to add this warning. Thank you for bringing this up.

Not long ago in my new apartment after breaking up with a long time girlfriend I had an amazing experience while meditating. The odd thing was I never really meditated back then. Something just told me to do it. I was led on an internal journey that showed me some things about my self. One, don't turn away from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Two, don't judge yourself. Three, the ego or this idea of myself is an illusion. It ended with my sense of self expanding out into infinity. I was not a body; I was infinite and an awesome wave of (I assume) serotonin like a big dose of E. Since then I meditate often and just try to be completely open to my entire experience. I'm an indifferent witness as often as I can. "Bad" feelings have lost their edge. When I sat with the feeling I discovered there is nothing "bad" about it. It's just a different feeling in my experience. With this I have become lighter, freer, happier and more at peace with the experience just as it is, right here, right now. I recommend you try observing yourself as if you are a third person. What do you think about, how do those thought make you feel, what do you do in reaction to uncomfortable or "bad" feelings? I think you will start to notice that it's all just thoughts, often silly, ridiculous thoughts about a future that will not happen. Memory too are just thoughts. They are not happening now and even if they were the judgments of them are just ideas that come from social conditioning. Good and bad, right and wrong are just opinions and they change over time and from person to person. Don't take them seriously. Its like trying to hold on to vapor as if it's something solid. I have since learned from watching Rupert Spira videos on youtube that this is kinda like Atmananda Krishna Menon's Direct Path. A lot of us here are science and engineer types. Think of this as like hacking your human experience or rooting your brain. Why be satisfied with little doses of happiness and satisfaction gotten by jumping thru social or cultural hoops. Happiness, peace and contentment are within us. Go get it for yourself.

Thanks for reading. Maybe the next time you get all wrapped around the axle about something you'll remember this and it might help in some way. Cheers mate

EDIT: "Every thought..." that's ridiculous, as often as you can.

Man, I notice more and more biases all the time.

*DISCLAIMER: I am nobody with no credentials of any kind. This is just my opinions and things I've noticed in my own experience.*

Stay diligent. I think a lot is very subtle. We've gotten so use to our conditioning we don't even know it's happening.

I believe what we are observing is the ego and the ego is an artifact from our evolution. We survive in groups so when growing up we need a way to quickly become part of the group. We need to think like the group. We need to see the world as the group sees the world so we can be a productive member of the group and survive. With that it's easier to see the ego as a product of culture than as myself. It makes it easier to look at myself critically and see all the biases as @tcgv pointed out.

Why did I post this reply for instance? I want people to see what a clever, interesting and unique individual I am... "look at me!". After I posted it I had thoughts about what would be replied. They would ridicule me for being such a shameless self-promoter. "What does this even have to do with the article? You are just reaching for any excuse to show off." Things like that. There is a lot based on fear.

One time someone said something insulting right to my face and I did nothing. That use to eat me up so I tired not to think about it but it keeps coming back. Again and again I'd try and negotiate with the memory and suppress the feelings. This went on for years. One day I just let myself relive the memory; looked right into it and took all the feelings of shame, regret, emasculation etc. It was uncomfortable for sure but after a few moments I got use to the feelings. They weren't so scary. Then I could see the situation differently. Why would I care what this person does or says? He is just trying to score points in the masculinity game. What if I just don't play that game?

We play lots of games. Some we care about more than others. What's the difference? Why would we care so much about some games and be totally indifferent to others? Why not just be indifferent to all of them? Then we don't need those points to feel good. We don't need to go searching for portions of pride. What is pride? When you feel pride what are you feeling? Peace, happiness and contentment? Where do those feelings come from? They are within us. If so then why would we go outside of ourselves to get them? I say outside of ourselves here to make a point since we are speaking about the perspective of the ego.

Someone is coming toward you in the middle of the sidewalk. It's becoming clear he isn't going to move aside some so you both can pass. You will need to move aside. So stand aside and let him pass. Now, what thoughts come up? How do you feel? Let it happen. Let the feelings come.

Get use to the feelings and you wont care about the thoughts.

What about respect and consideration? If you need any random person that enters your experience to behave in a particular manner you've already lost. You can't control other people. The problem isn't them, it's you. The problem is that you feel you need to control that which can't be controlled.

It's hard not to care about these games. We have to let go. For me it's been a process. Layer by layer I'm peeling the onion. The principle is the same tho. Be an indifferent witness to everything in your experience. When you are indifferent to the events in your experience there is nothing for you to feel but peace, happiness and contentment. It's hard to believe at first but start peeling back the layers and you'll see. You will still care about things but your selfish desires and impulses will subside because the feelings wont hold sway over you.

My ex girlfriend and I broke up last year. We love each other very much but want different things out of life. It was very hard to let her go but I love and care for her. I want her to be happy. If she has a better chance at getting what she wants out of life with someone else than I want that for her. Why would I need her to stay with me? The only reason was I was afraid of facing all the uncomfortable feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and loss that came with the idea of letting her go. Once I got use to those feelings it was clear; let her go and find what she's looking for.

Rupert Spira has a lot of videos on youtube. I have seen a few and he has a remarkable way of describing the ideas of the ego being an illusory "separate self", dealing with uncomfortable feelings and the non-dual philosophy. If this interests you I'd check them out. He's much better at describing this kind of stuff than me.

Thank you for reading this. This has been good for me. I'm finding that writing this stuff down helps me not think about it as much. Or am I just indulging my ego again?... uh oh...

*DISCLAIMER: I am nobody with no credentials of any kind. This is just my opinions and things I've noticed in my own experience.*

It's funny we want others to tell us who we are rather then just examining our own selves. Try it. Diligently and thoroughly examine yourself as if you were a third person. Every thought, feeling and impulse. All of it. No need for shame, censorship or judgement. This is a private space. If a thought brings up and uncomfortable feeling or emotion. Don't turn away, examine that feeling. What makes it uncomfortable? Why don't I like this feeling? This has completely changed me. It has freed me from the tyrannical rule of uncomfortable feelings. I highly recommend it.

Full disclosure, I'm all into self-realization now and the non-dual philosophy.

No more AirPnP?

I'm at a loss trying to capture the absurdity of this, but I'll try.. Smith finally escaped Oceania and made a nice home for himself in a free land with free peoples. One day agents from Oceania show up at his door. "No hard feelings bud. In fact we brought a gift. We think it will help you. We want to install these little black boxes all throughout your home." Smith is all ... "ok".

Easy, flexible, ansible but not super fast (ssh) Still pretty easy but very fast saltstack (zmq)

I like ThinkPads. Gen 3 X1 Carbon is my work machine, kicks ass. A ThinkPad T440s is my personal. It too kicks ass.

Space? ... no. Another planet maybe?